This is me

new kid on the blog

2005-02-26T21:46:00.000-08:00

moved my blog to http://iewesgn.blogspot.com

Controversy

2005-02-26T07:54:00.000-08:00

Blogfest 2005

I wonder if there is really a blogfest in the world. They should have one.

While I was studying history today, I suddenly thought of this: what will it be like had Hitler not started the World War 2? What will it be like if USSR were to gain an upper hand against the Americans in the Cold War? What will it be like have I been born in Argentina? Maybe that’s why we study history. Then again, studying history doesn’t seem necessary, for example, it is hardly possible to have another Cold War looking at the state of the Russians now. Or let’s just contemplate on the lessons we learnt: we finally realized how stupid the Americans are. And that brings us to the next point- if Americans are dumb, why are they still the superpowers now?

I felt a little over-reacted though. The reason why I do not like about Americans is the way they changed their language. As I said before, how can you change football to soccer? When you just want to establish your own other sport that half the world doesn’t play? What about the word ‘colour’? Are they so lazy that they have to take the ‘u’ out? GOSH.

But that’s about it. I still love their way of life. Because, if their stupid, the rest of the world are probably dumber. Much much dumber.

Going back to the first point of what ifs. I really wish that I can decide all of these. I mean, of course, people definitely love to have such powers, don’t they? And if they do, I suppose that they must be immortal.

I suddenly have a question to religions faithful. Let’s pretend we’re in a situation when luck is really on your side. Most faithful would believe that this is predestined (correct me if I’m wrong). Perhaps it’s kind of a reward for something great you have done (maybe you’ve helped 3 blind men cross the road). Let’s get to the point. Your long-time crush suddenly asked you out on a date. You cannot believe your luck.

So here comes by question, if such incidence are to reward your good deed, isn’t it contradictory to other’s free will? It’s definitely a very complex system to match everyone the same way. I mean, calculate the permutations. Or take another point. Let’s just say ‘the speak of the devil’. Isn’t it strange that such occurrences happen so many times in your lives that it’s uncountable?

It’s not really my question against the faithful though. It’s just that I’m puzzled by such a complex system that god is able to handle. Perhaps that’s why god’s god. He really can do something beyond a human being can. Definitely.

As most of you know, I do not exactly have a religion. It’s also not exactly my priority to believe in something. But somehow rather, I believe in miracles. I’d like to believe that each and every religion is true, and someone they integrate to form a singular believe. Perhaps this is my belief. Haha. Out of point.

Take care peeps. Off.

BITE

2005-02-25T22:18:00.000-08:00

Just a quick bite- not ready for goodbye

Sittin' here starin' at the wall
Another lonely tear falls
I'm tryin' to write you this song
But I can hardly see the page at all

‘Cause it's breaking my heart
When I look in your eyes
And I don't see me anymore
Oh, and you're all I'm living for

Baby, tell me that you still believe
That you still love me
The way I love you
If you take your love away from me
You know I would die
‘Cause I'm not ready for goodbye (Oh...oh...oh...)

Baby, please pick up the phone
Tell me I'm crazy, I got it all wrong
I don't know what I'm gonna do
I don't know how to live without you

You are the first song
My heart ever heard
And baby, I-I believed every word
You are my heart, my soul, my world

Baby, tell me that you still believe {Still believe
That you still love me {That you still love me, baby
The way I love you {The way I love you

If you take your love away from me {Away from me
You know I would die {I would die
‘Cause I'm not ready for goodbye {Goodbye

Every breath that I take, every beat of my heart
You know it's all for you
I wanna hold you, I wanna love you
Forever and always

Baby, tell me that you still believe {Tell me
That you still love me {That you still love me, baby
The way I love you {The way I love you
If you take your love away from me {Oh...oh...oh...
You know I would die {Oh...
‘Cause I'm not ready for {Goodbye

Baby, tell me that you still believe (Tell me)
That you still love me (That you still love me)
The way I love you {The way I love you
If you take your love away from me (If you take your
love away)
I know I would die (I know I would die)
‘Cause I'm not ready for goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
goodbye

‘To love and win is the best thing; to love and lose is the next best.’

It’s probably the last thing that I want for ‘her’ to read my blog. Haha..it’s kinda shameful though. But then again, to see her respond this way (at least I presume-the title was her msn nick), I felt kinda pleased, more so satisfied. Thanks for whatever reasons, and rest assured I have moved on.

Common test is coming. I’m barely prepared. I can’t believe that I’m actually sitting down here continuing to blog. The devil side of the brain is forcing me to think that it’s just common test, nothing more. The angelic side, as always, ask me to screw this and get your books. I have my books on the table. Yet I’m not studying. Maybe that’s why I’m human.

Actually, with all honesty, I love the examinations period. It’s really the time of MY life that I feel productive, at least it’s the only time I’m trying to understand the contents of my syllabus. Being a typical Singaporean, I’m supposed to balance everything within 24 hours, which sadly, I failed to. Yet come to think of it, if my studies aren’t going to give me a job in the future, will I regret for spending these 2 years in jc and a further 3 years for the degree?

I have always been troubled by this fact that the working society is a totally new environment. The basics are not even the books. The basics are life skills. Is the education system right? Are we even taught life skills? I doubt so. Very doubt so. I’ve seen so many people older than me, but more immature than a secondary two kid. How do you explain that?

Ok, sad to say, I’m stuck with this system. Perhaps I’m only saying this due to the pressure of the common tests. Can’t believe I’m actually pressured by such a small event.

Off.

Let’s Get Married!

2005-02-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

Last night before I slept, I suddenly have this idea: what better way to celebrate my 18^th birthday than getting married?! And if I really do, I’ll probably repeat this process every year until I really found that someone special and decided to have a family. Ok. Irony. But it really sounds so fun. It’s like secondary 2 kids trying to crash into a junior college for orientation. Maybe a little crazier.

However, there’re two problems to my madness. First, who will ‘marry’ me? Ok, maybe I can just ask any of my friends to play along, get 4 witnesses and register at the marriage board. But then again, I doubt anyone will be that enthusiastic. More so, I would definitely want some female I feel comfortable with, which makes the mission more impossible.

Second, will I be a disgrace to the blissfulness of marriage? DUH. Marriage to some is such a religious process that only happens once, and for me to do the repeatedly for the next 10 years would horrify them. And looking back at the first point, who would dare to play around their marriage while being faithful to their religion (I’m from CATHOLIC junior college you know). How much disrespect would I show to those who wanted to marry for the last 40 years and still haven’t yet do so? Sigh.

Perhaps I’m a little nuts about the last occasion, hopefully you my dear readers have already found out (to know that people acknowledges your blog is an incredible feeling- so I shall try to be more mature in my entries ok? Thank you my readers anyway!). I mean, of course, that was a cruel shock, probably not as cruel as I thought it to be. Ok let’s not digress. But this occasion really forced me to realize all issues around relationship- such as marriage. Haha.

Perhaps the best time to blog is when you’re studying for examinations. It IS definitely more interesting that the permutation of alphabets and numbers that you spent half your life trying to understand its definition (sounds so chemistry- more like economics-sigh). Blogging is therefore the next most productive thing straying from your studies (it is proven to provoke thoughts). Therefore, I’m blogging now, with my sacred history notes lying right next to the computer.

Yet, it’s especially ironic since you’re supposed to be interested about the subjects you’ve chosen. For example: me. I love history. I don’t dare say very much but it’s definitely more than those superficial levels. I get hooked easily into the lives of historical personals and events- I have the persuaded my father to get for me the Hitler movie. Maybe it just attributes to some of my nosiness. Ok, let’s not shoot too far off. It’s like, how can a blank page on the explorer be more interesting than reading stories? I am considered one of those lazy breeds (maybe not so much-I’m studying), and how can I appreciate work more than familiarizing with something I have learnt?

Ahh…crap, I’m feeling so sleepy now. Anyway thanks for those who were concerned with my plight (come to think of it, I look so dumb, so stupid, so…).

Off.

2005-02-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

Variation

2005-02-23T08:26:00.000-08:00

Maybe i'll be a singer

Never twice

2005-02-21T07:22:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking about this the whole day. I felt lost, absolutely lost. It’s more than frustration. It involves disappointment. Yet somehow rather, I’ve felt this more than once, and it’s probably the fifth time I’ve been enduring such pain. Fair enough, I SHOULD not even regret. I’ve tried nothing, totally nothing. All I did was waiting after waiting, hoping some miracle would happen. I prayed every night at 12 sharp to see better light. But it stopped right there. I’m really a fool, a foolish fool.

Love lost. No. More like the end of a desperately hopeless one-sided affair. Definitely, it’s good for me, my life, and my mindless imaginations. I did not even ask her out during Valentine’s Day. Still, when you realized someone you like have found a boyfriend-which isn’t you- how do you react? I wanted to cry, yet I have to put up a false front to entertain my mates. It will prove that I’m an even more retard to show my lousy mood, won’t it?

By right, I’m supposed to have fallen for her twice. The first was the time I saw her outside a shopping centre. Maybe my mind just build a never should be built pretences that since I saw her somewhere outside school, there should be some fate involved. Worse, my mind further evaluated that she and I should be compatible- both of us love sports, are captains of our CCAs, and love the same type of music. She was the near-perfect girl for me. At least that was what I thought. Yet on it goes. I did tell my friend about my view on this girl. This friend in fact knew that girl well. So somehow, she should find out that I’m interested. BUT it ended there. Seriously, I’m so bad at flirting that I haven’t got her number till NOW.

The second was the period after the second intake. Yes, new environment, new people, new goals. Of course, I had my eyecandies, but I couldn’t find anyone as beautiful as her. Yes, she was that beautiful (don’t argue). Maybe it’s her style she walks, the way she plays netball, the comments I heard from friends. It’s just so wonderful that I could find no fault. None at all. I did not think about her for the first 3 months, probably because of the much stuff I had to adjust to. Yet, while everything settled. She came back to my memory. Perhaps my mind was getting cranky. Yet I couldn’t get her off my mind. I played along. Played all the way till now.

So the bombshell dropped. As much as I was enjoying the first couple of months in the New Year, I was so busy that I hardly spent anytime using the net. That’s the only place I get connected to her. I was looking over her friendster account and saw the ‘in a relationship’. Just a few weeks back, I remembered her as a self-proclaimed single and unavailable.

YES, it’s a stupid, dumb, retarded one-sided game which I was made to lose. My friend did warn me not to throw the dice twice since I got on with my new life and made new friends. I constantly reminded myself it was going nowhere. In fact, the past couple of weeks made me really consider if I had like this person, or if I was worshipping some imaginary character. Yet, when the news broke when you were totally not expecting, it really burns your heart. It was something like a cold flame. Perhaps if you’re sensitive enough to smell rain, it’s twice that kind of feeling the smell inflicts (I feel sad when I smell rain). It hurts really hurts. It really hurts like crap.

And worse of all, I haven’t got the solution to get over it. I was and am desperately trying to force my tears out and failed. I shouted my lungs out in the empty elevator and felt worse.

Perhaps that’s down to my loser mentality. This is the 5^th time I got heartbroken. Every one of the last 4 involved a third party getting a head over me. I wasn’t the most fluent speaker. I did not come from the richest family. Ok, that’s a huge disadvantage. But at least, I don’t see there’s such difference in my story? I’m the fastest runner in my school. I play football well. I have been a track captain twice. I mean, I’m so good at all these things that why the hell must I be disadvantaged in such important areas? I don’t see Beckham having the trouble to be a footballer, a model and able to attract both Victoria and Rachel Loos. I don’t see why my brother is having his third girlfriend and I am facing the fifth heartbreak in my life. I mean, fuck, I feel unfair. What the hell is wrong with me? I really can’t figure it out.

Maybe it’s down to the bad month.

Maybe it’s down to those chain letters.

Maybe it’s down to my oral skills.

Whatever it is, I just feel like a big bloody loser. I thought I had lost enough. And after losing so much, another blow would shatter me. I hate losing. It’s definitely the only thing I hate.

Sorry readers, I can’t find another place to vent my frustrations. Please don’t be sympathetic; you shouldn’t- I’M AN IDIOT. Felt much better now. (YES it’s another dumb entry)

Off.

Tell me Quando Quando Quando

2005-02-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

Slap Michael Buble. I mean embrace him. I saw the advertisement on his latest CD, and can’t stop humming to his version of this song. It’s been happening for the past hour and I’m still singing to myself. Gay tendencies.

Happy Valentine’s Day! At least for the remaining 40 minutes…So how has it been for you, my dear reader? Probably way worse than mine. I got to attend lectures, tutorials, lectures and tutorials again, before going under the sacrificial ceremony of my dear coach Mr John Lim. How wonderful. And then, I had dinner with 2 other GUYS who had never stopped questioning my sexuality. Haha. Ok LA..i’m straight, perhaps even more accurate than some. I had and have my eyecandies (maybe there’s a little feminine touch; most have short hair). I tried dating one girl way back in secondary 2(so blessed that I failed- I didn’t like her at all). I have a dick.

To all honesty, I really wished for a person who can share all the wonderful moments in my life, and maybe withstand by persistent whinings and bitching. Isn’t it wonderful to hold your lover’s hand and take a stroll in a park, both enjoying a good chat? I have to admit, I’m a little desperate. Yet often, this desperation is often frightened off by the countless conflicts I’ve heard, and even abuse. Haha. Perhaps I should stay this way for another while. I don’t have enough cash for a girlfriend (as much as I like a stroll in the park, which will only happen after an extravagant dinner). I don’t have enough charisma to charm. I don’t have a life (live my life ehhz? My wristband..).

Let’s keep you updated on my life. It’s into the second week since I last played football. As much as I love the game, I can’t seem to find time to do it. Maybe after all these years, I’m starting to get a little ‘burned’, a little tired. Yet when I watch Ronaldo cruising past 3or 4 defenders, how I wish I could be him. Oh gosh. What do I really want?

I had my time trial last week. Finally. Yet, the result was disastrous. Haha. Ok fine, I lost to Matthew. That’s not the point. I’ve been wondering why all my hard work these couple of months showed no result on Friday. I’m definitely fitter than now than anytime last year. I’m definitely handling my workout better than anytime last year. And yet I’m slower than anytime last year! How wonderful life is! Perhaps you can enlighten me.

Wow, I managed to type. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Off.

Dream

2005-02-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

I haven’t been blogging for quite a while-simply because I don’t know what to type. My apologiesL. Anyway, how’s it going people (I reckon that there’s no more than 10 viewers-sad fact)? Mine’s rather good, a little more hectic than usual but really pleasing. First, I finally got my track work going. It seems that the work I put in within this past month overshadowed what I did during the first term last year. Quite satisfiedJ.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Belated greeting, but at least I greeted, bah! Just calculated how much I’ve received from the ever lustrous red packets…slightly more than 200bucks. Doesn’t look good (My cousin gave me 200 last year, but halved it this time round…). Then again, we shouldn’t be greedy ehhz? (Right…)

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin� in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you�ll miss me
While I�m alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I�m longin� to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

(instrumental break)

Stars shining up above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin� in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Yes, dream a little dream of me

SOLITAIRE

There was a man, a lonely man
Who lost his love through his indifference
A heart that cared, that went unshared
Until it died in his silence

And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself, it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire

Another day, a lonely day
So much to say that goes unspoken
And through the night, his sleepless nights
His eyes are closed, his heart is broken

And Solitaire's the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
She's coming back again

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire

A little hope, goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
Solitaireee
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
Ohhh

And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing Solitaire
Solitaire, solitaire

Hah..that’s the problem, can’t seem to write, anyway…go find these music, they’re great.

Dream a little dream of me :P

Brilliant Start

2005-01-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

After 11 days of the New Year, I reckon it's time to finally blog. Didn’t exactly know why; perhaps it’s the first day with a singular double-digit number. Anyway, I think that I have started the year brilliantly, hopefully ending in the same fashion.

Ok. I was busy, very busy. Can’t believe how much responsibilities I have undertaken after being the track captain. But it’s kind of an insatiable feeling, getting more and more respect. Yet again, it seems that I have to re-negotiate the time I spend with my lecture notes and football, gosh.

Orientation 2005: I guess it was kinda successful for us track people. While football have 170 applicants, football have 60 over trialists, and even choir- near 40 people wanted to sing. It seems that through it all, track is the least appealing cca to most people. I agree. What more can you do other than running? Running is not an interesting sport. It never will be (Debatable-but I’ll not digress). We expected no more than 30 people to sign their names at our booth, and to our delight, near 40 of them are going to visit the track orientation this weekend.

Sadly, still, it seems that Cjc doesn’t produce convincing enough runners. Last year, we were the best performing cca, yet without much credit. This year, I believed there was more than matthew that was laughed off by the j1s as a gig. Crap. I really can’t believe how I’ll react if someone tells me I’m slow.

At least we love to run. I think that’s more than enough.

Let’s finally shift our attention. Guess what? I’VE DONE A GOOD DEED!! I was kinda surprised by this, yet in a way, proud of such act. I’ve helped a blind man look out for his bus, waiting with him for 20 minutes.

I was walking home from school yesterday, every weary. It was the day I least expect to help anyone anything, since I had survived a double training session in a day- PE and Track training. I was dragging my feet every five steps I took, barely able to complete a 5km route by foot. When I was passing by this bus stop 1km away from my house, I saw a man, struggling to balance himself with a stick, almost tripping off the edge of the pathway and onto the road. I had the urge to care less and walk off.

Luckily, a second thought saved my conscience. I walked towards him asked if he needed any help. He was blind, in his early fifties. Surprisingly, he was neatly dressed, hair properly combed back. He told me his bus number, blissfully accepting my help.

That was perhaps the longest time I’ve waited for a bus. Yet, I never once felt anxious about getting home. I was nervous though, contemplating how I should help the old man onto the bus. At the same time, I couldn’t seem to escape from the thought of being rewarded. However, I’ve not yet tell this to anyone. Let’s just say that I hope I’m not doing a good deed for a reason. I mean, I wanted to do an uncompromised deed.

I felt blessed though. Everyone at the bus stop was staring at me. I was proud of myself, really proud.

I’ve never been happier.

New Year Resolution

2004-12-30T23:36:00.000-08:00

This will be my first time writing/typing new year resolutions.

1. Get the best player award in A Division Football
2. Get my first National Inter School Athletics Medal
3. Get a pair of racer
4. Get a pair of new street-soccer boots
5. Get a pair of spare football boots
6. Get a pair of black jeans
7. Get a pair of glasses
8. Get contact lenses
9. Get good grades in A levels
10. Get a girlfriend

Done in less than five minutes.

Love Calculator

2004-12-27T06:12:00.000-08:00

I promised myself to continue on my homework. I promised...ble...

I was bored, so i went to try out this love calculator stuff. Hah...you know? The one where your friends introduced to you when you started thinking about sex. The period when pubic hair started to grow. The period when people start laughing at opposite sex. The period when you started to find it strange that girls kiss each other in the middle of Orchard Road...you know, you know?

Ok...i admit that i'm corny(it's so cliche that everybody thinks their lame...it seems kinda fad now...is it cool to be lame? i think it sucks though, corny sounds nicer anyway-shit i sound so gay). So, a corny brain has its corny thoughts(DUH). I recalled the first time entering the computer lab of Outram Secondary School(it supposedly signed a contract with IBM, oh.. the programme failed). Anyway, the computer was freaking slow then(Not even Celeron), so internet connection was easily lagged. We were given this 15 minutes of free time to play around with that machine. So i my friend told me about www.lovecalculator.com(Oh well, i'm in a mixed school...less people surf porns u know-at least in school). Ok..i was 13, and was desperate(DICK!).

Ah...now i found myself in front of my lovely Pentium III machine, staring at the screen. After talking to a few mates, i opened the explorer and started surfing friendster(shit i'm really gay!). Ok...as usual i went to her page first to see any updates(Oh..i'm not gay). Then i started thinking of this love calculator thing. It's dumb but it's worth a try.

I started matching Doctor Love and Doctor Love's Wife(Yes..that's what i typed). I mean it was just two boxes enticing you to type names of two different people in it. 0%. So i thought that Doctor Love is a female, then i changed the wife to the husband. 0%. He/she must be homosexual then. So i replaced the variable with Tom Cruise. Aha! 0%. Oh..i realised that this Doctor Love is a computer and doesn't produce hormones. I replaced Doctor Love with Nicole Kidman. I was stunned. 99%. Talk about accuracy. I changed Nicole Kidman to Justin Timberlake. Haha..83%...I think i should send this report to the newspaper and get this site banned. Anyway, i tried Britney Spears with Timberlake which produced a 14% result. Yikes...spooky.

Oh...haven't told you i skipped christmas. My family kinda turned into the Kranks, went to KL to hide from the trees, only to find the tallest one in South East Asia there. Merry belated christmas folks. Out.

The early bird catches the worm

2004-12-17T19:49:00.000-08:00

This must be the earliest time of the day i've ever blogged. 11.50 am Singapore time now. Amazing huh? Not really. I've seen people blogging before their exams, even before the sun showed its majesty across this region. Haha...that's the problem: i can't seem to continue after 2 lines. It's been like this for the past few attempts for blogging.

Ok..i shall start trying. Let's analyse. The problem for my inability to blog properly must be my skills and knowledge of the language. haha...it sucks. Really wonder how i got a2 for the o's. That 5% of luck must have worked wonders. Extraordinary wonders. Let's not stray. I can stone for a couple of minutes just thinking to construct a sentence, which may still be flawed. I really worry about the General Paper i'm taking next year(it's like 13 days away?).

Year 2005. haha...it's kinda love-hate relationship. Love: I can't explain, maybe just the excitement to meet new people. Maybe more. It's like the feeling of listening to ghost stories. You're intimidated yet you wanna listen. Thriller. Hate: Definitely for the holidays to end. Have been slacking for the past month. I don't remember what is the Sigma Notation, save for the Vietnam War.

Sounds like my new year resolution ehhz? haha...next year seemed a little plan. I mean, as life goes, you tend to plan for your future right? Gotta say that i've practically used the whole of 2004 thinking about 2005. That's dumb. Let's hope history doesn't repeat.

This blog ain't good. At least i've finally published something.

Competition

2004-12-13T07:03:00.000-08:00

com·pe·ti·tion P Pronunciation Key (kmp-tshn)
n.

The act of competing, as for profit or a prize; rivalry.
A test of skill or ability; a contest: a skating competition.
Rivalry between two or more businesses striving for the same customer or market.
A competitor: The competition has cornered the market.
Ecology. The simultaneous demand by two or more organisms for limited environmental resources, such as nutrients, living space, or light.

I can't write

2004-12-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

I'm so 'out' that i took five minutes to phrase my title. GOSH. It's amazing how i took 3 times to finally able to complete the post. And that's if i complete this.

Lapses of concentration. Somehow rather, this phrase appeared in my mind for the whole day. Must have been to hooked up with the competition at SRJC. Ok, we lost 5 matches all due to lapses of concentration. For example, Weiyu not able to handle a swirling cross; SRJC scored with their first shot on target after half an hour; and we almost came out winless if not for the SAJC striker balloning from 10 yards out. It sounds as if i love my school's football team so much. Honestly, i was amazed by our performance during this competition, yet deep in my heart i seemed to complain non-stop about our standard to football. I admit i'm part to blame.

Let's not stray from my topic of lapses of concentration. It seems that i must be completely devoted to writing my post, and if not, i will never complete it. Ok, 5 minutes ago, my mother asked me to check 4-D through the net. I almost gave up writing. Lucky.

I guess i really need to concentrate. It's rather amazing that i can calm myself down during any time trials in training, so focused that i often break my personal best. Yet, half a second would be added to my time during competition. Ok, i guess my mind's rather weak. And yes, it's really frustrating to think about it. I know i'm up there with those top few runners, yet i can't prove it. I mean, i can prove it without competitions. Nuts.

Haha...i have a feeling this post suck. Bye.

Twice

2004-11-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

The second consecutive post that i need to type all over again. Computer's a little unwell these days. Panadol anyone???hahahhaha...NOT FUNNY.

Yes, i'm really bored. Guess that's why posts are coming in. Anyway, haha...it doesn't matter, the number of readers probably doesn't go beyond 10. Still, the concept of blogging is interesting ehhz? Maybe because i've missed out on journal writings all my life.

I came across a message. Guys sing, girls vote. Familiar? Ok, i went into hysterical mode when i saw it. It's the Singapore Idols DUH. Yet, this gradually turns into a probable social problem in this tiny little island. Of course u can't imagine 20 guys chasing after the bus Taufik's on to just have a look at him. Or worse, hearing not sharp screams but robust roars from the crowd at the grand finals for Sylvester Sim. Sick. But yea, aren't these girls a little over the board? Recall 5566 and F4. Err..yea...they look good. But i don't think anyone should get heatstroke just to get their autograph. Honestly, i doubt they have beautiful vocals like Josh Groban or even Jackie Cheung. ahhhh...sorry....i shouldn't criticise so much.

I'm so looking forward for the football competition coming up. I think i can shine. I mean yea, i think, but haven't really believe. I mean there are those niggling intimidation of losing focus and getting nervous throughout the whole match. Gotta get rid of that man. It's amazing how so many years of running haven't taught me to focus 100percent.

I'm running out. Can't think. Bye.

i'm single

2004-11-29T01:12:00.000-08:00

15. Feel

listen

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understnad
This role I've been given

I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understnad

I just wanna feel eal love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste

I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her
I scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming

I just wanna feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel real love
And a life ever after
I cannot give it up

I just wanna feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste

I just wanna feel real love
In a life ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
Not sure I understand (x4)

Hi

2004-11-27T06:23:00.000-08:00

Hi. Long time since i last blogged...yea...kinda lazy these days...it's holidays man! HAha...sadly...i can't seem to enjoy anything this holiday you know..?i mean, i don't enjoy my computer games, and i am actually thinking of ways to skip trainings...wow. ahaha...at least i'm enjoying my robbie williams tracks now.

Ok...what happened over the last couple of weeks...i fell sick, received a medical cert for a week...and can't do anything properly. In fact, i couldn't sleep properly for this whole week. I mean, sick people sleep, but i'm so sick that i couldn't enjoy my bed. Crazy illness. Maybe that's the reason why i don't enjoy my holiday so far. But i've recovered now! And i'm still not enjoying it. GOSH.

As always, i'm still lingering around the thoughts of being a professional footballer. Ahhh...If only i am a footballer, i can do this, i can do that, i can...bla bla. Where else can you get a better job? You get paid in at least 4 digits per week and do less work than normal working adults. More so, football is something that i like. What better job can you get than doing something you love? Ahhh...still so far from my dream. Maybe i should start preparing for my next life (if there is). Let's just hope that i'm born in a country well-established in football (like England). Let me hope that i can get legs as powerful as Henry's. I'm dreaming man. I'm really dreaming.

Tomorrow's Sunday, yet i cannot see any prospect of an entertaining day. I saw myself waking up, watch tv till early afternoon, hang around the computer till the evening, having dinner, fall asleep. Interesting ehhz? Maybe i should seriously start looking for a girlfriend ehhz?Haha...girlfriends. It's amazing how i haven't been thinking about this female prototype. haha...prototype. In the past, i'll definitely have crazy thoughts over pretty ladies and start getting crushes. Maybe i'm really so bored nowadays that i can't repeat that. Or maybe my hormones changing(!!!). Nah...don't worry...i won't go to Thailand...at least for that. Errr...but i do worry you know. Ian's father told him to get a girlfriend before going into national service. I contemplated on that and found it quite true yea? There would be something to look for after national service ya? Maybe on my 18th birthday, i'll get a pleasant surprise(hehe)....ahhh...i'm still too gay to look for one man....gosh....hey, i'm NOT desperate.

Believe me, that was the first time i thought about any girlfriends in weeks.

Woah...quite satisfied with my blog...ahahha....i think i'm getting smarter. Just a little bit smarter?(make my day ya?)

i'm a dick

2004-11-10T06:19:00.000-08:00

i think i'm a dick.

Oh, first, i'm super gay. Ya...timidly gay (i'm still attracted to girls ya...). As long as someone gives a rough challenge on the field, my game would be gone. I've never officially date a female out. And, i don't dare to give up studies for what i like. I mean, imagine beckham, he failed his o's to be in Manchester United. Rooney did not complete his a levels. Oh i live in Singapore, so i can't play football (sigh).

Second, Super ego. Haha...yea, i think i'm stupidly arrogant. I can show off everything i've got and get nothing back. Best example, my stupid juggling tricks. It just seems that if i perform any stunts before any competitions, my game perfomance would be destroyed. Oh, and haha...i can't believe i've been blogging on my 'amazing' football moments here in my blogs.

Third, i'm dumb. I can't pass history for nuts. It took up my most study time and i still manage only 'o'. Oh...and i'm a lousy liar (though i got away with it everytime).

Forth, I have white hairs. Even after i dyed them, it's still visible...aaa...

Fifth, i'm telling myself that i'm a dick in this blog...dick of dicks.

I shall stop being vulgar. haha...but being vulgar really vents ur frustration ehhz? oh, at least i'm satisfied i completed 6x400m in training today. hahaha...well done. (i dun see any link from the previous sentence?). Yea...guess i'm really cocky and dumb. Enjoy yourselves people, happy deepavali!

It's football

2004-10-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

I think the Americans are dumb; Fancy calling their own game football when it uses less 'feet' than the actual football. So much that the real football has turned soccer. I mean, how can this be?! The fake took away the name of the original. Ridiculous! Worse of all, American football is evolved from the Brit version (Well, USA was a colonized state- talk about democracy). Here's the picture: Football to rugby to American Football. Ah...i get it...more people play football than american football. So please stop calling it soccer. Oh no, it's not confusing. Maybe they should name American football soccer.

Finally, after a week of torture, i was able to play football again. Yay. Back to form as i scored 5 goals straight. One of them is a back flip than caught out the keeper. Ah...i'm genius. Maybe i should really look for a career some day soon. Oh...then i'm injured. I've been carrying this injury since last week, worsened yesterday through the 7 km run. Ah...Didn't improve after the game. It seems like a groin injury, but i don't really know what is it. The pain comes from in between the muscles and the bones, and produce this flaming 'sensation'. Argh..i need to recover soon.

Inspiration

2004-10-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

I guess i finally have something to write. It's been ages since i could properly think. Must be the results, must be pw. Or perhaps it's running that got me flying. Aaaa...Still can't believe i can't catch up with those cross-country runners...gotta start training man.

While i was running, i thought of this: I love Outram. But it seems that this love is just enough, not too much, neither too little. Perhaps that's the best way to treasure something. Loving enough that i don't mind not going back (hah..more like i can). I somehow realised i've enjoyed enough, and really should be up there with those creme. With all due respect, i guess i've deproved much in Outram. Yea, more is it my neglection than the schools fault. To go through all 4 years playing is just amazing. The purest of delight.

Spent the previous ten minutes surfing friendster. That tool's kinda cool ehhz? But somehow, it doesn't really help makes new friend. More like re-uniting with old pals. Hah...old pals. Primary school mates, people that i've seldom talk to. But yea, re-uniting. Shouldn't dwell on this man...gotta move on.

Need to wake up early tmr morning to see amanda receive colour awards. One of those real runners. Running has been their lives and will be for a long time i guess. Next year's my last ever year to run in the nationals. Always my favourite event. Got to say i'll retire after that. Meantime, TRAIN HARD.

Weather's perfect now. Red sky, cooling shower. Best for sleeping. Good night.

School

2004-10-17T06:27:00.000-07:00

I just realised exam's finally over. For now at least. Bad news is: MY COMPUTER IS INFECTED! screw that! Hope that all the memory will not be wiped out. 500over mp3s mind you.

It's been so much football since the end of exam. Television, computer and the 'real experience'. BUT..got to say i'm a little rusty. Touches were bad, very bad. Couldn't even make any proper passes. So frustrated that i almost lost it. Lucky i didn't lash out on anybody, if not i would definitely look like some sort of loser.

Got to return to school tmr. Terrible thought. So much that i love cj, i never liked going to school. Oh yes, exam's over u can play. Nah...there's project work, mother tongue 'ao' level and those pestering post-exam activities. Yes, for those efforts, we should all give lots of credit to these pe teachers. But it's amazing how they do not ask the students what they want. Gosh, how can they end these activities at six!? Yes, certain students might enjoy, but it doesn't guarantee none will complain. Yes, it aims to build team spirit, but there's so many other ways...Aaaa...maybe it'll turn out good...i shall stop whining.

Ok, i'm just frustrated. About everything i guess. Let's hope it'll turn better soon.

I'm looking forward for the weekends already...hahaha...need to play socccerrrr.....

All i want is you

2004-10-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever realised that there were moments when u felt hopeful for a second, yet the opposite the next? It's really amazing how your mind can play tricks on you. I mean, i don't blame the situation, but sometimes, optimism seems to really bugs.

I don't know if i'm being jealous or what, but hey, nothing's mine yet! Ok, yes, you can be jealous over something that others have. Ok, i've never been able to be materialistic in my whole life, can't afford to be one. But this time it's just strange. I mean of course you can't compare a thing and a person, but i just feel awkward about this.

So i've been wondering, what if I did something else during Secondary 2? What if i was able to talk brilliantly? What if i was not shy? What ifs. Yes what ifs. It's definitely frustrating to realise there were so many what ifs in my life. I mean yes, even the slightest flutter of a butterfly would have result in anything in the future. But i could have been a better person now, wouldn't i? I would have been enjoying now.

It's not that i do not like my life. But sometimes, it's really painful to see those stupid blunders. I mean really stupid blunders. Worse, i have never understood any solutions to these problems. Perhaps i am really stupidly gay. Or even a gay is braver than me; he dares to follow his dream. My mental timidity is really killing me!

Sigh

Finally watched Wimbledon today. Kirsten Dunst was rather hot, but always shadowed by her bibotism. Came to think about something: If really one day i have to choose between football and love, which one will i choose? Think about it, football is the love of my life. So is she.

How much do i like her? So much that i've never considered her weaker points. So much that she appears in my dream every night(they're dry ..!.. ). It's amazing. Gosh.

Sigh

Year 2000: I saw her

2004-10-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

I will always remember that day
It started off in a beautiful way

That morning was just beautiful
And that gave me some clue
It would have been some imagination
Imagination turned out so true

I looked out of the window
Detected the slightest shade of shadow
Then i saw her sister
Walking strangely- slow

I followed my father to the parade square
And found lots of people there
It was a healthy lifestyle campaign
Which allowed the people to enjoy the air

Then came a running competition
I came in first with exaltation
There wasn't any pirze to be won
Yet it did not stop my elation

I was absolutely delighted to see her
Which was right after my return from a shower
My heart throbed rapidly
After the vivid sight over my shoulder

She was the prettiest girl i've seen
Something Britney Spears would never win
Her eyes were always sparkling
Such beauty lasted down till her shin

A simple 'hi' would have sparked my day
But all these seems too 'one-way'
So i went home very disappointed
And there was nothing much to say

That was the first time i saw her
I've made this poem for this gorgeous 'ger'
Though it doesn't have a happy ending
This was enough for me to cheer

This is me

2004-10-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hey hey...what's up? the sky...couldn't get any funnier...aaa...Hooked onto studying lately; not that i wanted, but i need to do those papers. It's 3 papers left. The next two seems harder than anything i've ever done...and still see myself wasting time here. De-stress perhaps...

So, i've logged on to blogspot.com, and hey! My blog's named 'This is me'. HAh...how innovative. Just can't think of anything better, guess i need to play my pc games less(but I'm going to get sims2 soon...aaa...). So i scrolled down the page and never stopped laughing...ahhh...Spastic. I don't know what had gotten into me to submit such stupid postings; Maybe i'm genuinely DUMB. No..err..REALLY STUPID. It's just hard to control ehhz? Something about hormones.

Oh yea...one other reason i blogged today is preventing the server from screwing my out. I think i'm little paranoid, but i don't seem to be able to start doing math. Gotta stay awake this whole night. Not prepared to fail math. Math my strength you know? Not doing well's like an illeterate enjoying any blogs. Ok...i shall stop boasting...i need to get down and do something before the worst really happens.

I really can't wait for football this weekend. Have been dreaming to put on those boots and just feeeelll the balll. Sounds kinky. Ah...don't be sick..football's a healthy living lifestlye. I saw Cristiano Ronaldo took on all the full backs possible. I saw Figo's amazing touches. I saw Ronaldinho's movements. I saw myself in front of the mac donalds table daydreaming. WAKE UP!

hahaha...the lamest issue yet. Lamest for now. Lame...lame...lame...(tune to dream dream dream). IS THIS ME? a little bit i guess...oh...yea..quite a lot.

I think this blog's a little long

2004-09-26T04:06:00.000-07:00

GP's tmr, so i blog. Testing out my writing skills. So we shall talk about racial discrimination.

I should make my stand: Everyone's racist. Maybe except the blind. Just take one hour off your life, and stand in the middle of a crowded area. When is it that you see a multi racial group of friends? Minimal. I mean, that's already in Singapore. Yes, you can argue that you do mix with people of different skin colour or religion. But question is, how close? Are you sure you're able to share your secrets with them?

Take another example. SJI for example. There's always this group of indians that come together. No hard feelings, but why aren't them able to blend into the crowd? Why maybe it feels a little 'home' for them, comfort of speaking in their mother tongue. Ahha! This is racism.

Since the beginning of human civilization, racism can be considered as the most crucial social problems this world ever faced. Racism is defined as racial discrimination, in other words, the mistreating of anyone from a dissimilar race group, bringing a certain degree of prejudice. While efforts such as the Montgomery bus boycott in 1958, and development of Civil Rights Act in 1964 brought about the awareness of racial discrimination, it is still uncertain if this social obstacle will ever be conquered.

Introduction looks rather incomplete ehhz? Really hope that a question on racial discrimination will come out tmr.

Anyway, went to play football at a nearby school field today. I must really say i'm impressed with myself. Guess i've got a little bit of ego...nvm. Today's the first time my control was near perfect, and the first time i hit a 35 yard ball on target. If that would have been a goal, it would beautiful, curling in from the right hand side of the most. Credit to the keeper though. So one question kept popping on my mind.

First reason for the encouraging performance today must be the weather. I don't understand why, when i'm under the scorching heat, i would feel breathless. Duh. But i could hardly survive 30 minutes of football! Without that, i would have no problem playing 120 minutes i guess. Weak mind..argh.

Second reason...Weak opponent. To a certain degree, yes...?But the opponent had every player that can dribble. Very surprising.

Third reason...I'm playing as on the right side. I guess i really can't play as a striker, too lethargic to be one. It's funny that i would rather dribble than make the runs. I mean, yes, striker's the most expensive position in the world. But i used to worship Beckham...

Too bad it wasn't my team i was playing for. Happened to be that Xuanhui's neighbour lacked players so i went to help out. Got to say that i'm pleased to create a positive effect, even though we lost 2-1.

Missing her more by the day. Funny how i've never talked to her and am able to go crazy this crush. Really big crush i guess. Reflection....

Numb

2004-09-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i suspect blogs. It's a good place to vent your frustrations...but some things are just too confidential to do it here. Maybe that's the difference with personal diary. Ughh...stop...i sound so gay...oh that's gay

f*ck this...resident evil rocked big time...yes...kinda lame...but it's possible ehhz? what if some day some company really release such virus...duplicates your cells and stuff. Creepy. Perhaps that's how horror movie works, so close to reality but fiction. Just look at starship troopers. People actually thought it was fun! Crude humour ehhz?

Played football today. Perfect day for lobangs...whether are the dribbles, passes or shots, just got them right today. Sorry Quanbao. Got to say i'm mastering the flicking nutmeg, love it, made me look so good. A light backheel and i'm away from the defender, but analysed that i only have 60% of the chance succeeding..But when you see how van Basten scored that brilliant overhead kick, 60% is more than enough ehhz? Yes...suppose to stop the flair. Can't blame..ME

Ok..i think i should stop twisting around and shoot to why i'm numb. how do i start, it'll make me look so stupid, like before. I finally saw her online today. I felt hopeless; i didn't know what to do.

Perhaps i wish last year never ended. I could still see her playing netball, or to a certain extent floorball. Oh...a year ago, i saw her at chinatown point.

HELLO!

sorry for my stupidity

i'm nuts

2004-09-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

I was sitting right to the window. The cool breeze blew right across my face, brushing even the tiniest facial hair i have. Then came someone from msn with the nick 'life live 2 the fullest'. It sparked me this question: what have i been doing so far? Maybe i love myself too much that i hate my life. But i really can't imagine what will i be if i'm in a different condition. Perhaps i'm a little paranoid. Perhaps i'm just daunted by the fact that promos is coming. AAA

I saw my friends flew back to USA yesterday, kept imaginating how wonderful it would be to go USA. The weather there is good, school rocks, you can drive, and stay with ur buddies. Oh yes, paradise, paradise of every teenager. But i'm supposed to feel lucky that i'm studying in singapore! Low tax, almost free education, high prospects, and recognised. Oh...and i prefer to have a chinese girlfriend, stay with my family and in my bed.

So what if i can stay in two different lifestyles? The pure ecstacy in life!

How wonderful live would be...how wonderful. And i'm still doing pw now. Ok, let's just think that these 2 years will sprint away. I would be free...no..national service. No singapore no! Need to accept the fact that i'm a Singaporean.

One people, one nation, one Singapore!!!

13/14th September 2004

2004-09-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

I guess the best thing i like about blog is you need not have a particular start or end. It's a little lame ehhz..but it's a blog, not diaryland.com. Oh great, maybe i'll quite sued for slander. Oh great, it's almost tuesday.

Yea...monday blues. How i wish last week would never end. Reached home late every night, and together with those tours, Singapore turned out to be a paradise. And perhaps i'm closer to indians now; with all those pratas, life's never more exciting. All thanks to Anthony and his car, how i wish i can drive. Maybe next year, or maybe a few years later. But the week ended.

So i went to school this morning, dragged myself from the bed. Didn't quite comb my hair properly, guess it doesn't matter, it's short you see. Given piles of homework and i don't understand why am i still here. Went to sleep away my whole afternoon; perhaps i can't adapt to mundane school life after party week. How i wish i could be a little more hardworking, more efficient, smarter,......Oh...what if i'm like Fabrigas?I'm already a football professional. Oh i forgot, i'm a Singaporean Chinese.

Oops..kinda harsh in my words, yes, so many things i have hoped for. Just did not come around. Maybe i would be blessed while i'm doing my homework. So what am i waiting for? History here i come!

I'm driving myself crazy...

Hi

2004-09-06T08:58:00.000-07:00

Long long time since i last blogged...long long time.......no see. Hi...In case you dunno who i am, i'm se wei. Funny...hah...can't help it.

I cannot believe that my dvd player isn't working. especially when i've borrowed 3 dvds from my friend and prepared to spice up my life! nOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i came to realise something: television is my greatest enjoyment in life, provided that i'm watching the shows i like. From Friends to Pokemon, aaa...aren't they exciting? Jennifer Aniston will always be that bimbo, Superman will always fly, and pikachu will always be yellow. Ok..out of point, but damn, i cannot imagine my life without television or movies man...i would be a zombie then.

Yes...there are exceptions. Alien vs Predator. Actually, i kinda enjoy it ya...treated it more as a comedy. But overall, guess i've wasted my money. Then again, it made me realise something...are we alone in the universe? Aliens? Yes, it could defy some religions, but with universe universely big, can earth be the only place having life forms?

I believe there're UFOs...maybe UFOs themselves are aliens. Too much of starship troopers..tv..hah..Just look at this, how can all these years of research for life forms outside earth be false? I mean, if it's really false, ain't all the hardwork be in vain. Ok..out of point again, but so with so many permutations of facts, i don't see why there isn't any aliens.

Perhaps the earth itself has life. Maybe even the sun. Life forms may not just exist in human size ehhz? Now...imagine a planet a thousand times bigger than the earth. maybe there are giants. Maybe.

Irritation

2004-08-28T06:59:00.000-07:00

MY DVD PLAYER IS NOT WORKING! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! really took away my night...i was so looking forward to watch those dvds borrowed from anthony, and when i'm finally free...*poof*
Pure frustration...sorry blogger, can't take my words off you..

Maybe i'm ver sensitive, but i can't seem to go with the number 3. First came the nationals when i was in sec 2. I screwed the race up. And then there' so much more. Now..i've borrowed 3 dvds from anthony, and my player is spoilt. screwed.

Played football today. From 10-3. just realised it was 5 hours. scarred by the sun, hah, guess i'll my skin will be falling off tmr.

SPEECHLESS

IRRITATED

BLOG

2004-08-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

What is the purpose of my blog? I don't know.
To waste time, No?
To vent my frustrations? Perhaps so.
I tell the rest what i think
Without using any ink

Just popped out of my head. It rhymes, so yea, wrote it down. Quite interesting ehhz? I mean, what is the purpose of a blog, any blog. Is there even a concrete definition for blog? Oh, maybe it sounds like this: blog(n)- words that make no sense. Oh, i'm getting senseless.

I came across my friend's blog also on the purpose of 'blog'. Quite interesting though, he talks about diary, journals and critics. Wonder if blog will affect the politics one day. Just look 5 years ago. No one even expects blog to be so successful. People were just playing around with MIRC and ICQ which apparently died out competing the ever-changing MSN. The emergence of AIM also eliminate this programmes. Yet blog is growing, strong. Look at me, the worst idiot you could ever see blogging. Even my brother is following the trend. And i've even discovered sex stories on blogspot. What's the world becoming?

Perhaps people will never drive a car that has no wheels. They'll perhaps live in their blogs. Just imagine a chip installed in your brain to control your own imagination: matrix. Yea..sounds quite cool ehhz?

I think i'm lost. Guess i'm tired. These are nonsense. Yea..words.

Boo

2004-08-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

indian talkers-->trying to be racist ehhz? ..!..

speechless

2004-08-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! PLEASE STOP BELIEVING I HAVE ONE!

Don't know what's wrong with people nowadays; they just fall into assumptions with so little knowledge about anything. Don't worry, i'm not gay. I just find myself hardly attractive to those i admire...ok, low self-esteem, but argh...ain't intending to find one so soon. I'm still 17.

Really lucky to be able to log in to blogger. I mean, it's really luck, well because i don't know when is it available to me, and am always banging to 'luck' to blog. Illogical theory..hah...

Gonna play football today...YAY! I always look forward to the weekend, just so packed. Enough excuse for me not to do my homework. Hah...when am i going to get my priorities right? Soon...but always after my football. My love of my life. Can't imagine how life's gonna be without football...PING PONG?

So i consider myself lucky today. I should score a lot of beautiful goals later.

FINALLY

2004-08-12T03:00:00.000-07:00

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!! I am finally able to blog myself!! Really don't know what was going on for the past couple of weeks...my com? or the server...still, this blog's fine now..

I am so itching to play football now. Ok...not with Cjc. I don't know whether it's me or the team, but i just ain't able to play to my best. At least that's what i feel. I mean, i can't even get those basic football stuff right...perhaps a curse?? I'm the team's striker, yet so far, after 10 over matches, i was only able to score one goal, not two, ONE! Worse, it came from an indirect free kick, which i gladly miskicked. The goalkeeper must be feeling damn stupid man....

It just happens in the opposite way when i play for Singdon (ok...stupid name...but our team's made up of indonesians and singaporeans, exactly equal ratios). I scored hat trick in my first match. 'Nuff said...

I wonder what i'm doing right now...

At least something to cheer me up, if nothing goes wrong, i could be the track captain soon...that's if nothing's going wrong...(i dare not swear, even acjc dropped the baton after just 50m...nowhere near the passing zone)...yea...

Happy Birthday! Erm…Singapore?

2004-08-09T07:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday! Erm…Singapore?

Something’s seriously wrong with my blog…well…I mean my computer. I can’t blog myself! Need to get a friend to transfer these words inside..Oh my gosh.

9 August 2004, Singapore’s birthday. Perhaps of all the negative influences, I came to feel that Singapore ain’t that perfect. I mean, it kinda suck. Yes, people all around me talks about GST, taxes bla bla. Can u imagine living in USA, where half ur salary is ur tax!? Haha…irony..Yet seriously, this country is really racist. The Chinese are in charge of the military of defence, no one can fight with the Malays for football, while the Indians do the rest of the dirty job. And Eurasians, they snatch all the hot chicks…hah…Ok…dun be confused, it’s Singapore that’s racist, not me.

Because of the recent terrorist bombings, much confidential information has been filtered out for the Malays. Ok such is my cousin in law, he has a Malay father, and therefore he cannot participate in some indoor military activity, however high the position he is now. Where’s the logic? People are bragging about the Malays in Singapore can co-exist peacefully with the rest of the nation; you are not proving it ehhz? More like condemning them.

Yes, you would rather be safe than sorry. But if one is a military officer, how would he be able to jeopardize his country for any other thing? More so, if that really happens, are you really sure that Chinese will not do that in the future? Who knows a Chinese cult can grow big in these couple of years, and become another terrorist? GET A GRIP.

FOOTBALL!!! Tohari Paijan chose his team based on the color their skin. Tanjong Pagar United once had only the keeper a Chinese, and from China. Tan Kim Leng is playing the dirtiest job in the Singapore team: the defensive midfielder. Meridian Junior College has only one Chinese striker, who is the vice-captain. I have yet to see an Eurasian striker in Singapore. Nuff’ said.

I respect the Indians, but are they really treated with respect? Miss Narindar always tells us in class that, because she is an Indian, the society thinks that she speaks Tamil. While she was in National Junior College, she had to be in charge of the Tamil Society. She can’t speak Tamil. And there’s those whole lot of racist jokes. So much that many Indians were racist against themselves. The rest became anti-social.

Well, the Eurasians look too good. Can’t blame them. Like I can’t blame myself for being too tan, too tall, too lazy? Hah…maybe I can….

One people, one nation? One SICKapore.

How do you define the level of maturity?

2004-08-03T06:24:00.000-07:00

I think i'm really immature. How so? For example, if you were to say anything bad at me, i'll curse you till my hair turn white. Oh yea...i have lots of them. I guess i really need to grow up.

I saw this statement my friend wrote: I know the lies you spread of me, but i will not follow the suit, for i cannot and will not stoop to your level. Yes, makes lots of sense. Seriously, if i were to learn that art, i would have been so much of a better person. Guess there's a lot of things i can do with my patience.

I found the definition of maturity in dictionary.com: The state or quality of being fully grown or developed. But i have this question, is there anyone that is totally mature? Ok...nothing is perfect, but out of these billions of people, not even one? Yet again, how do you argue maturity? The state of being fully grown...err..end of puberty? Or so, if one stops being naive, is he mature?

So, we can classify maturity into both arts and science sections. Arts: the behaviour. Science: the physical state.

Still can't understand. Guess i'm still immature. Yay! Pokemon!

30th July 2004

2004-07-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

One of my friends asked me if blog is stupid. I really doubt so. Ok..i know my blog isn't the best, or in fact, the worse you have seen, but it really reflects what i think. More so, it is a place i can vent my frustrations on. Paradise.

I just couldn't get over with this year's nationals. It is only up till the finals then i realised how important this event had been to everybody in Cjc, particularly Miss Yeow. And other than Miss Yeow, the j2s must have been really proud finally to be a runner. Cj was absolutely nowhere last year. The j2s worked hard, and finally, they've seen results. It is really painful to get 4th thought, particularly to Yusheng, who risked his groin for the team, and also Cheng Jung. Cheng Jung should have won the 800m. He was also in both relays. It is really unfair to not give him the medal. But he seemed to take it so easily. He must have felt proud of his effort. Proud of himself. Proud of the school.

I am really proud to be part of this. People talked about joining those top schools to win as a team. Catholic Junior College wasn't the best, but we already had won it as a team. We are a small group, and to achieve what we have during this nationals, it is nothing short of remarkable. I felt the pride when i put on a Cj shirt. I felt the pride to run in the Cj vest(although it's really ugly). This only happens once in a lifetime. It's really sad that it's over.

It's really hard to decide which is my priority now, football or track. I had been giving so much in the first 3 months for football, and gained nothing. The remaining 4 months was completely for track, and results were nothing short of fantastic. More so, i should be the captain of track if nothing is to go wrong. I'm really honoured to take charge of this team anyway. I wasn't exactly delighted that i'm the captain; I didn't expect to be one. I guess this is god's faith in me. My leadership in Outram wasn't up to the standard. Perhaps this is my second chance to do well. I'm quite confident of it. However, there is the football factor. I know if i am to become a good leader, i need to give total commitment to this cca. Football's the love of my life. Guess i need to learn how to balance both of them. Just remember i'm doing it for Cj.

New beginning i guess.

My Best Nationals

2004-07-29T02:45:00.000-07:00

I won't dare say i performed that well. But so far these years, i had never done better. I had never been in two finals at a go, almost 3. Nothing's perfect. I screwed by 200m, and could have easily beaten the jj guy in 4by 100 for the medal. It's rather strange that my brain doesn't allow me to think of that race. I mean..i would feel especially guilty. Ok..i am...But i know i've tried...

It's really what we all call as mix feelings. I'm absolutely delighted to be part of Cj track team. We broke the record of having 13 finalists and 5 medals in one competition. More so, we were among the smallest team among the a division. We came in 5th for both sex group, and i couldn't feel any prouder than that. It was remarkable. However, it would be really sweet to add those medals.

This is the first time i have been running for more than one reason. It used to be 'to be the best.' This time round, i felt as if i was running for everybody(in the relays at least). Or just make it a 'we' thing. We ran for the school. We ran for honour. We ran for ourselves. Most importantly, we were running for people that gave us upmost support. Miss Jean Yeow, Mr Tamilsevan, and Mr Wong. Of course there are those friends and families. But these 3 teachers, really became idols. I mean, i really respect them.

First, Miss Jean Yeow. I've heard many rumours that she is strict, cold and demanding. Strict, yes, demanding yes, but never cold. She really gave all her support possible. I mean, have you ever seen any none PE teacher or anyone with little track background to come down and watch us train everytime? haha...and her 5 years ago thing. To bring a team from 3 members to one which gained respect from every other school must be something! She's fantastic.

And of course Mr T. He was an ex YJ football coach, and made them champions in a division. Ok...maybe from the way he dresses, he doesn't look like one. He no more coaches football, and purely teaches a none physical subject. And he still comes down and watches us train. He has his advices, and everyone has benefitted from it. He was the one that spent the night with us in camp...

Mr Wong Chee Wai. Came only this June. I guess Cj's really found a good replacement for miss jean yeow(i think she's the best though). He is a PE teacher. He watches us train too. Ok..up till now, you must be wondering what's so important of just watching. It is the support they show and is really touching when you think of it. More of that, Mr Wong always gave the helping hands. He timed for us during work outs. He gave his advices as a former runner. And during nationals, he warmed up with us, just to make sure we'll be fine.

I have never tasted anything better. The 3 of them are just supreme combinations. That's why i was so disappointed not to win a medal, for them. Heartbreaking really, but really proud to be with them...

24th July 2004

2004-07-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the title for the last 15 minutes, and i guess that's the best i can come up with. Umm..Why?I realised i have so many things going through my head, and couldn't decide what to type...nature takes its course i suppose

So many things have happened in the past couple of days. They didn't appear fantastic though, in fact, it was...not right. Yesterday evening, Prashan, Matthew(lil') and i rushed down to CCK stadium(in a cab!3 bucks each!) to support runners in the finals. Cheng Jung especially. Why him? He's the next person closest to winning a medal other than Amanda. Everyone expected Amanda to get the medal anyway, so Cheng Jung's race will be exciting. And yes, u got it. We missed the race. Not the worst. Cheng Jung lost the race, in the worst possible scenario. HE HAD HIS SHOE STEPPED AWAY! and the winning time was so close to his usual recordings. Everyone of us was shattered.

That's really the worst possible scenario we can get from any race. I really think we should be careful during the relays on the final day. WE WANT TO GET THE MEDALS! WE NEED TO GET THE MEDALS!!!

And when i reached home, i realised my parents left 10 bucks for me for the weekend. Gosh. I decided to go downstairs for dinner, so happily, i locked the main gate. I FORGOT MY KEY! I was almost crying, when i saw those bamboo sticks behind me. I got the key.

That's yesterday.

I woke up this morning feeling so sick, hardly able to carry myself off the bed. I got to the bathroom, got a shower, and felt so much better. I mean, a little better. I switched on the TV, and watched my first ever cartoon in months! Something to cheer about.

Did something sinful though. I went to play football in the evening, and not caring about the ongoing testimonial match. I guess i'm beginning to dislike cj football team now, i mean, with all due respect, i hardly receive anything from it. I think i'm selfish. Just couldn't put it any other way, yea...i'm in the wrong. Worse, i'm risking my hamstring for the wrong reasons.

At least, it paid off with my good day at purmei. Able to score a few more goals today, and guess i commanded a little bit of respect. One guy started playing rough. Perhaps i was more aggressive today. I guess they almost showed tantrum. Lucky enough, we kicked them out soon(i twisted pass 3 to get the first goal!haha...but that's when he kicked my leg...ouch).

Sleepy...

LOVE

2004-07-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

Ewan McGregor said this in moulin rouge(he was named Christian right?), "Love is like oxygen!" Could remember so vividly due to his repedition of this throughout the movie. Come to think of it, it's rather funny...so let me look into the idea of love(in a poem...?i shall act wise)

Is love a feeling?
I was really guessing
But i questioned with no surprise
For i'm a human being

Some told me it's lust
While others define it as crush
Perplexity surrounds my head
Thus to know love, i find a must

I went home and saw my family
There's no moment i felt more glee
Together we had a great dinner
And that made me felt so free

And then I asked my mother what is love
She asked me to question father dear
"Love is always around you"
And finally, i see no queer

Is love a feeling?
Perhaps it is
But i know for sure
I understand its greatest meaning

Oblivious

2004-07-22T03:21:00.000-07:00

Back to school. Can't believe i'm so lag behind, better start believing then. When i enter the classroom, the atmosphere was boring, was pathetic. Absolutely lifeless, especially with the construction noises ongoing. The noisiest class has turned into the quietest class. Miss Narindar, that is the definition of revolution.

I got the news yesterday night that i have loads of work to catch up on. LOADS. As i enter the classroom, i dug my hand under the desk, more like a routine practice. I could not do it! Papers stacked up and squeezed off every available space! Ok i'm bragging, but it's a lot. Ok...one good thing, i passed my gp essay(he asked me not to type out my essay, too lazy to write, heh...).

Back onto the track scene. Earlier in the morning, i had the 4by400m race. And even earlier last night, i was so nervous about the event, and couldn't sit still for 5 seconds. I must stretch, check my bag to see if anything's missing, and even apply layers of muscle cream! It died out anyway, when i stepped onto the track. I was not nervous, in fact, i was relaxed. Perhaps too relaxed.

Sajeev gave us a perfect start what we've been looking for. We led Vj by 20m. Sadly, Nicholas Lim was fast enough to cut the deficit, but zhen yang superbly hung onto him. As he approach, vj's third runner was still close, and i should not have a problem tagging along. BUT NO! When i got the baton, and twisted myself around, Salman was 20m ahead. Gosh. I went along, still deciding if i should take him at the early stage. I think i dwell on that thought too long. I was pulled away.

Nevertheless, we became the second fastest qualifier in the whole competition, really something to cheer about. But the good schools have not send their best runners. All we can hope on is to improve individualy. But i guess we're good enough. We should get a medal.

My best 400?

2004-07-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

YES! MY BLOG SUCKS

400m early in the morning today. I reached the stadium at around 8 in the morning, and realised that i was one of latest people that arrived. Anyway, the morning was good. Very good indeed. Before that, i was taking the train up to Choa Chu Kang, and in between, i saw these numerous crowds of Poly students. They looked...ermz...funny? No offence, but it's really interesting to see a mixture of nerds and posers.

So i warmed up and everything. Guess i still have that hamstring strain. i applied a whole layer of yoko-yoko. And when i went back to the spectators stand, it was burning under the sun. My skin was red.

Went back down to do my drills. Damn...i never felt that good. Even though i could still feel the lactic acid brought over from yesterday's race, i could finally move my legs. I felt so energetic. Must be the sun. Maybe i photosynthesize.

I went into the reporting area. Chicken rice. Wonder why these people have to eat inside the room. Worse, it was air conditioned. Wonder how it actually helps the racers.

Onto the track. I was looking at previous races. One by one, yay. Amanda qualified(DUH). And so do Hilary. And then there was A boys semi final 1. Not paying attention. A boys semi final 2, Matthew was god. I guessed he ran the best race of his life. Felt a little sorry for zhen yang though.

And my turn. I started setting up my starting blocks. This was the first time i felt so relaxed. Perhaps i really had nothing to lose. Just before my race, i said some prayers. Those that was said in my school every morning. Though i'm no catholic, i guess that was the only help i could ask for then.

Off i go. Reaching onto the first 100m mark, i could hear Miss Smith shouting for me. Wow. I overtook the two runners on my right, and cruised through the next 100m. The petrifying moment came. Salman was catching up, and threatened to overtake. And just when he did, i tried to bite onto him for the remaining of the race. That just lasted for the following 100m. I still had 100m to go. I started to feel all the lactic acid in my body. My arms, my legs, everywhere! I pushed myself as much as i can. And for the next 50m, i thought i would have made it.

The last 50m was the deciding factor. Yet i could not move. I saw the same guy who overtook me in the heats trying to pull away. Initially, i kept up. Yet suddenly, i could no longer move. I told myself that what was all my trainig for. I tried and i tried and i tried. I finished the race!...4th.

I was devastated. My John Lim said i ran well. I guess i did. I hope i did. So i desperately waited for the results... It wasn't me. At first, i took the result quite well, until i realised i was number 9! Oh FREAK! NUMBER 9!!!!! ONE POSITION OFF THE FINALS! SPLIT SECONDS AWAY! GOSH! SHIT! DAMN! absolutely screwed.

200m was worse. Dun feel like talking about it. 24.4s.

Bring it on!

2004-07-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for 200 and 400 tmr, or is it 400 and 200 tmr. I have never felt more confident. I have nothing to lose! Gonna trash all their asses manz!

Yea right...

Well...at least i hope for the finals...I think i should be able to do it...just a little more focus. Ran my first 200m in two years today, can't believe how wonderful i performed, even if i did not felt so..At least that's what my Cj pals told me. Yet again, when i look at my timing, it was...argh...lousy. 24.04! So far off my expectations. Never mind...shall take this as a stepping stone. 22.9! Here i come!!

Read this from the net:
Please do not flood me with messages if you don't even know me. I'm single but unavailable. I hope this clear things up to a certain extent. This account is created for making friends not others. Those who wish to add me as a virtual pal, can always add me [xxx@hotmail.com] Do not message me if there is nothing important. I'm not interested and do not have the patience to read your messages. I have no time to entertain strangers.

I guess i added you on my list. Hah...guess you hate me now...sorry...won't bother you any longer(and i thought i only msg you twice....can't believe i'm that bad). haha...just found it rather interesting...

So looking forward for tmr!(think of it...if i qualify, i need not go school on friday and monday...yay...ermz...let's just qualify first...)

Sun-day

2004-07-18T06:45:00.000-07:00

It was a long but short weekend. It has ended. Tomorrow's monday.

Yesterday started off with a visit to CPF building. So when i went in, i saw this box, locked up and written, only to be opened in 2055, when CPF commerates their 100 years of service. I found it illogical at first, but come to think of it, it'll really be so sentimental.

So i thought of this:

I'll keep a few pieces of white hair in a box. After i dyed my hair, i'll open it up and examine...

Football @ purmei was dramatic. So glad that i could dribble, so glad that i could score. Anyway, i finally saw a fight after 50 years. Haven't exactly seen one. So this guy A made a legal tackle on B. B thinks that it was a foul, so he shouted back. So that's where the commotion starts. Friend of B, C, started headbutting A. Nose bled. D pushed C away. E called police. Police arrived. B and C will probably end up back in army camp.

So we went for pool after that. Blasted off with a 4 games winning streak. Incredible! Followed by a consecutive 4 conversions. Fabulous. And then i lost the remaining games. So life can twist around.

So today, finally today. John and I went to Hans for study, joined by Junwei later in the evening. Ended up trying to break the puzzle bobble score in John's phone. At least i finished my homework.

My weekended.

15th July

2004-07-15T06:38:00.000-07:00

Just when i thought that everything is going my way again, i suddenly realised i'm so lost. I saw her online and finally pluck out my courage and TRIED to talk(for ur info, it's not the BGR girl, i'm so embarrassed about it!). Flung badly. She wasn't interested. AT ALL.

Strangely, i did not feel bad at all. Good sign ehhz?

So glad to remain single.

Blessing in disguise i guess...it's really turning good now...

My first event tmr: 400m. Wish me luck, i need it.

i am frustrated

2004-07-14T06:59:00.000-07:00

At this point of time, i really cannot take it anymore. When i just won the 100m, my coach told me, forget about 100m, concentrate on 200m and 400m. It happened during May. So i requested for 100m and 400m. He said that he doesn't have a training programme for that. That is not the end. We have a pole vaulter in our school, Matthew, who came in second for 100m. One of my best friends in school. When he realised he got second, he decided not to take pole vault and concentrate on track events. So coach said, "Try the 400m and 100m." Hey! What is wrong with you!?

And until now, 2 days b4 nationals, i have not ran a full 200m yet. No choice, i continued training, and suffered all those cruel workouts: 200m, 300m and 200 and 300m again. And i have not complained. Nearing the end of June holidays, i asked my coach if i can take part in the swift meet for 200m, supposedly my first 200m after 2 years. Yes he agreed, i mean no. He said that the school did not want to pay for it.

So it dragged on until last week. The coach asked me to bring two batons for warm up during nationals. My first instinct was to say i do not have any batons. I mean, he said bring! I do not have it how can i bring! He just fired me off by saying can't i get it from the school? Or borrow it from someone? How funny. He has a bag of batons and he doesn't want to lend us...

So finally, i got a break from track today. I went for my first football training after a couple of months. As you know, i did not do really well during the A division. I did score a goal during today's training, although i am totally unsatisfied with my touches. That's not the problem. I realised that i am not part of any cj's football team's office members. I went for the leadership camp, FOR FOOTBALL. I could have gone for track. I skipped track for football. So i brought myself to a place where i am possible to be the captain of the team. Oh catholic high boys. I wasn't selected for any position. HEY! I gave up so much for the team and i wasn't even rewarded. It's not that i'm power hungry, but it really doesn't play justice to me. I went for that camp! So my football coach told me not to worry. "I just want you to concentrate on your play, not leading. You have been pulled everywhere, from track to football, and has not been with the team because of your competition." Oh gosh, first he thinks that i cannot lead. Nvm. And then, he came up with a lame excuse. The second person

I am just not willing to accept all these. I have given Cj so much, but she doesn't seem to appreciate it at all. Is it me or the school?

14th July 2004

2004-07-14T06:39:00.000-07:00

I love myself so much that i hate myself.

I love dreams so much that i hate realities.

These statements can never be more true in my life. I was looking back in my life on the way home. What have i achieved? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Yes, i've been the track and Field captain for Outram Secondary School. But for anyone's sake, it's Outram Secondary! Ok, maybe i'm proud of it, but again, what have i gain from it? Nothing!! I did not even win a single Inter-Schools' medal, none!

And then i won the 10om in Cjc. YAy. Full stop. The next moment, Mr Johnny Lim told me i'm not running the 100m in Nationals. What the freak.

Football.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I CANNOT EVEN CONTROL THE BALL DOWN!!! i've been thinking that it's cj that destroyed my football skills all these time. Evidence of me loving myself too much. And i hate it! But if i had controlled the ball down well, which is such a simple thing, i could have scored so many goals! WAKE UP!

So then i realised that i could be the football captain, and then i am not even given a post! HEy!

And we look at bgr.

People i like never notice. And perhaps i made myself not to be seen. And if i do, i always, always ended up looking stupid.

Maybe i need to hate myself to love myself, because i love myself and hated myself.

Hero

2004-07-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

Let's just be honest: everybody wants to be a superhero(or at least most guys). Or should i say everyone wants to be extraordinary. Just imagine you have the strength of Superman. Or perhaps a little bit of the agility Spiderman posseses. Even better: Professor Xavier's mind reading ability. You will be able to be a top professor, a top athlete, and your future prospect will be bright, and you will have a well paid job. That is when it's ceteris paribus?

And then we worship super humans. Sing like Christina Aguilera, run like Maurice Greene, or think like Albert Einstein. You need not worry about your job too.

So are we living in a world or imagination or reality? Who do we want to be? Wayne Rooney or Peter Parker(Spiderman)? Britney Spears or Patience Philips(Catwoman)? A little bit of both you might say. A little bit of Parker's inability to handle his life. A little bit of Spears' desperation for attention...

But James Bond has beautiful girlfriendS for 50 overs years....

And then you will see people saying that they are happy to be themselves. LIARS! Put them in a jungle for three days without food.

That's reality.

Day Football

2004-07-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

It's been such a long time since i have played wondeful football.

I'll explain the rules of street soccer Purmei version:
The court is a little smaller than basketball court size, only allowing up to 4 players in each team. Of course, it is surrounded by plastic walls, with a few pieces of them substituted with rubbish bins. It has a Nike tick at the middle of the court, and everyone will have to start the game off there.

Goalkeepers can only roam around his penalty area. To come out and interfere with the play will be foul. However, outfield players can only control the ball outside these areas. Only goalkeepers can use hand.

And a little bit of Singaporean touch. No shots beyond the halfway line. You need not restart from the middle once concede a goal. Any team concedes 2 goals will be kicked out, and only return in their next turn.

Anyone who tries funny tricks unsuccesfully will be scolded by teammates. Anyone who attempts bicycle kick and scores will be hailed as god.

Any keeper who can dives in not a human. Any keeper who can't, it's normal.

England

2004-07-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

YES! England did not win the Euro 2004 championship! I know it's a bit far off but i am really surprised that i'm delighted by this fact. Oh...10 things i do not like about that team...

1. David James: the worst keeper i've ever seen. He simply did not want to dive for the ball!
2. Eriksson: where is James Beattie?!
3. Emile Heskey: Maybe he should try out as a defender
4. Darius Vassel: He is a striker, and he missed the most crucial penalty!
5. Ashley Cole: Remember the Arsenal Man U match?
6. Sol Campbell: He doesn't even want to recognise his own son! Cruel!
7. Any left legged players in the country.
8. Rio Ferdinand, Kieron Dyer and Frank Lampard making sex video
9. David Beckham's inability to shoot on target from 12 yards
10. David Beckham again: The golden boy(balls?) of England having sex with everyone excpet Victoria. How crude.

Yay...Greece Won!(Except for the fact that i lost my money on all Greece matches)

School

2004-07-08T04:06:00.000-07:00

For some reasons, this is my third time writing this. What is wrong with me?! Blame Greece...

Racism.

Since the start of human civilization, or more accurately, the point where people of different 'colour' came together, racism has been a big big issue in our society. Funny, people have also created this irony: They disapprove racism, and yet they themselves make racist remarks on others. What is wrong with them!? Well then, racism doesn't necessarily equals negative impact. Strange...let's see

Racism normally comes together with religion. In Singapore, any Malays will stereotyped as Muslims, while any Eurasians as Christians. Even these assumptions will cause further misunderstandings, it is still possible to make use of these facts to create your own awareness in the society. Be sensitive to people of other race or religion. When you see a Christian, don't praise Satan in front of him IF you're a Satanist. When you see a Muslim, please don't quote that Muslims killed Koreans. Be careful of what you tell others.

Don't worry. I am totally against racism. It's just that these little aspects in life should be noted down, to protect everyone. RACISM IS STILL BAD

I am really out of juice. What is wrong with me!? I can't type for nuts!

Greece won

2004-07-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

GREECE WON. GREECE WON. I LOST.

Day 6257

2004-07-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

2:20am now. And i am still awake. Just finised my packet of instant 'udon', with its soup. YUM. Today IS a long day, or i mean, yesterday, WAS a long day. Earlier, i struggled to finish a workout. hah.

Then, i saw this statement in a friend's blog: ALL GUYS WATCH PORN, ermz, EXCEPT FOR THE BLIND.

Trust me, it was funny.

I am so sleepy now. Good night.

Two Beds And a Coffee Machine

2004-07-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

"Two Beds And a Coffee Machine"

And she takes another step
slowly she opens the door
check that he is sleeping
pick up all the broken glass
and furniture on the floor
been up half the night screaming
now it's time to get away
pack up the kids in the car
another bruise to try and hide
another alibi to write
another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through

and there are children to think of
baby's asleep in the back seat
wonder how they'll ever make it
through this living nightmare
but the mind is an amazing thing
full of candy dreams and new toys
and another cheap hotel
two beds and a coffee machine
but there are groceries to buy
and she knows she'll have to go home

another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
wonder how I ever made it through

another bruise to try and hide
another alibi to write
another lonely highway in the black of night
there's hope in the darkness
I know you're gonna make it

another ditch in the road
keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
silent fortress built to last
wonder how I ever made it

(Erin Brokovich?)

Day 6256

2004-07-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 8.45am this morning, and was late for training as usual. Anyway, only 3, including me, from cj turned up for training, together with the crescent crowd. One of my worst performance this year though; i was struggling to complete my work out. Nevertheless, i was quite glad that i got over it, although my muscles aren't feeling right now. Can't imagine about football later.

While i was travelling home, i thought of this: My Derick Wong, my former school's form teacher, asked us if "this statement is false" is appropriate or not. Although he came up with this from a famous writer(can't remember his name, though i remember it sounded rather Italian), it was really remarkable of him to take note of such small little things. Oh yes, with all the complains 4/7 people are throwing in, his history lessons are the most interesting i had. Gosh, really miss secondary school life. Anyway, let's continue. "This statement is false". Funny. You can't say that it's true, neither can u agree that it is false.

Let's analyse. If it is true that this statement is false, then, it is true that it is false, and will hit back that it is not true. (Um...can't get it?) In other words, it is right that this statement is false, but if the statment is false, how can it be right. Similar if you look at it the other way round.

It's really interesting to consider ironies once in a while. But i think i've gone through too much...haha...BUT IT's still FUN!

Getting cranky after training...need more oxygen in my blood, and brain.

Day 6255-2

2004-07-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

Hah...just realised that the title of my last blog is quite cool, so chose to keep it. Anyway, this is my second blog for the day. Am really frustrated, no mood to do anything else.

So i've heard this from one of my friends, boredom is totally different from nothing to do. Huh? At first i didn't quite get it as well. But slowly analyse, it makes total sense. Example: School is boring vs There's nothing to do in school. Hmmm...School is boring: But you're doing homework. There's nothing to do in school: there's NOTHING for you to do in school, not even homework! Cool ehhz? When you consider ironys(or is it ironies?), it's really so much fun..hah...i can't believe it at all...i'm so into this.

However, bored and nothing to do still share the same interest. Both are not good! And both can be good! Ok...if you're bored, you're not interested, therefore, no efficiency. There's nothing to do: there's no way you can improve yourself. On the flip side--> Bored: you're so good at that thing. Nothing to do: There's nothing for you to worry!

Perhaps nothing to do equals to bored, whereas bored does not equal to nothing to do. (um..not getting anywhere?) Let's just say...you're bored of nothing to do.............

Day 6255

2004-07-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

6255 days after my birthdate. Can't believe i'm still that young, for not reaching the 10000 marks. Can't believe i'm that old, i really wish i have the ability to turn back time. I am missing so much from the past, and i don't seem to enjoy anything i have now. Perhaps except for this computer...

My teacher once said, frustration is not angry. Frustration is angry plus the fact there's nothing you can do about it. I'm sure many times you would have encounter such happenings. And today, all really came shooting at me. (Can't imagine...any greater fears...westlife-no place that far).

Morning- woke up
My father told me Czech Republic had lost to Greece on Silver Goal rule. Perhaps that's the happiest time of the day. I laughed together with my father. How could Czech have lost?They're that good?!And then...my friend told me this-->Czech did not lose. It's the Greeks who came out victorious. True Indeed.

Afternoon- Outram Secondary
For the first time in a few months, i finally stepped into what they called, my alma mater. But it doesn't seem like it. The first thing that welcomes us is the office clerks, who refused to let us in. OH! WE ARE GOING TO BOMB THE SCHOOL! SORT IT! Hey...we're the ones who gave them the best results all these years! We're the ones who gave them the most sporting result all these years! And what do we get?! Not able to walk around where we used to call our second home! It's terrible. It sucked. Yes: TOTAL FRUSTRATION
If Outram's not going to improve any further, i am not surprised. In fact, i'm so wishing that would happen, so that they can wake up! Thank you for your 4 years ehhz?

Later in the afternoon- AO Level Mother Tongue
It's hanging for a couple of days i guess. I was informed only yesterday that i have this examination, AND i simply screwed it. I could not talk at all!

Evening- Before Training
Played football, can't even do stepover

Evening- After Training
I HAVE BEEN BROODING OVER THIS FOR A LONG TIME, AND WILL STILL FOR A LONG TIME TO COME. I WANT TO RUN THE 100m!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hey...at least he should consider that i'm still the fastest in the school?!Gosh...perhaps my arrogance really caused me deep shit. Perhaps i'm paranoid, but i think certain people in the track team see me as the peacock. Can't blame them though, i seriously should change the way i react. Sucked. Really Frustrated

Now- Blogging
I lost stamina to blog.

I Knew I Loved You

2004-06-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

[chorus:]

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
only this sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

[repeat chorus]

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you

[repeat chorus to fade]

SPIDERMAN

2004-06-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

I watched Spiderman 2 yesterday afternoon. IT WAS THAT GOOD! The best superhero flicks i've ever seen. Who could have imagine Spiderman was really such a loser? Even Batman owns his own company. It really digs into the emotional factor, although i think the show will be more complete if Mary Jane marries her boyfriend, rather than running to Peter Parker.(Even if she marries, she can divorce ehhz?Or perhaps annul...dunno...these world nowadays). But the real shit is, Spiderman did not defeat Doc Ock! I cannot wait for 2007.

Hah...I just realised i sounded no different from a bimbo...oh ermz himbo...minus the fact that i dun look very good..But damn...that show is really good...it's soooo...childhoodish dream..hah....

EXAMS are not over. hahah...i still have a chinese paper left on tuesday. Supposedly planning to study it...but i dun see people around me interested. They always say, you can't study for a language! Who says so!? Although i dun do it quite often, there are always ways you can study for a language. If not, why are there students and teachers? You can jolly well take out a dictionary and memorise every word. That's one way. Or face yourself in front of a mirror and speak proper English.

Can't think.

Peter Parker is Spiderman, Clark Kent is Superman, I am Class Chairman.

IRONY

2004-06-29T08:01:00.000-07:00

I just discovered one irony: We need at least 10 hours to prepare for a 3 hour paper. And that doesn't guarantee distinction. More so, we spend nearly 20 years before able to complete what we call education...huh? Gosh...i can't believe i'm part of this system...

Exams are nearing the end; tomorrow's my second last paper. Really got to say i'm not looking forward to it. I am really not looking forward to the actual start of the school...teachers yelling, early mornings, and worst of all, bad canteen food. Yes, you may argue that people in Africa aren't enjoying what i have today. But think about it, what if i'm smarter? OR what if i am so gifted in something that i need no education system to have a perfect future. I feel like a loser.

YET again, i am itching for football. Haven't had to a chance to play with anyone in the past couple of weeks. So much for exams...ANOTHER IRONY.

And what achievement i've made today! I solidly studied for nearing 7 hours, record breaking! Just hope that i can slide past tmr's paper smoothly...oh yea...another IRONY, i have nv struggled in maths....until noww...hah...

MacDonalds for dinner...yum yum

Tomorrow

2004-06-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

I can't believe i'm just so looking forward for tmr. I mean, it's EXAM?What is wrong with me?! It's a 3 hours paper! Hello?! Yet compare to Curriculum time, it will be so much better. Tommorow will be my economics paper. Oh...and i only spent one day studying for it.

I am really wondering what else can i do in life as a 17 year old rather than blogging down here. Yes, i love my life, but thinking about, it can be so much better. Like for example, i should have given up studies long ago, and focus 24/7 on football. I could have become a star. Like Wayne Rooney. David Beckham too failed 'O' levels, and he's choosing all the females he wants to have sex with now. How moronic i have been? For studies, i have given up so much. Hah...think about opportunity cost(sigh..)Oh...then i remember...I AM IN SINGAPORE. So...they're supposed not to choose Chinese as their star footballer. Not to be racist but, who's being racist here? Tanjong Pagar FC once had their whole squad as malays except for their goalkeeper, who is from China. Is Singaporean Chinese footballers that bad? Am i that lousy? Sigh. Perhaps when i score my first bicycle kick, people will then notice me. Dribbling pass 4 players at a goal doesn't seem good enough.

I sounded so arrogant. Hah. But i seriously believe in my football talents. I mean...i have not been in a proper school team for ten years and am Cjc's first choice striker now. Oh...then i realised i performed shit in A division. Maybe i'm really not good enough.

Sigh...football brings joy, so it brings disappointment.

I lost another 10 bucks on that France match.

less than 2 days

2004-06-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

Common tests coming in less than 2 days time. Sadly, i can't say that i am prepared for it. Yet somehow, i'm really looking forward to the occasion. Hah...perhaps examinations have turned into a form of celebration. Anyway, i believe it is so much better than normal school days. Can't really say i enjoyed school as much as i wanted, and to finish them earliest 3 o clock everyday, torturous. I am already looking forward for december holidays.

Finally! No training tmr! Oh...i just realised i am not going to be used to it. Remember a few weeks ago, i was talking about how boring running is? AAA...can't believe i'm enjoying it now. Even though my legs are completely sore by the end of training today, i still felt lucky to be able to run. Oh..i love running again.

This week's incredible. It's the first time i bet against the government. Got slightly addicted to it. Hah..not good, yet honestly, i found it fun. haha...i mean...it's really exciting when you put something at stake, to hope for positive results. Risks in other word. Yet again, i'm not those adventurous sort? Oh...i'm a lousy judge for myself.

Got distracted my chatting mates...catch you up soon.

Off.

12 o clock

2004-06-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

I can't decide if i'm writing this on a tuesday night or a wednesday morning. I'm still living in a tuesday night yet theoretically, it's wednesday! Days are really passing by so quickly, don't even have time to even greet them goodbye. How i wish i can have a time machine.

Once, my tuition teacher, who can read signatures(ermz?), told me...i will have wonderful memories on everything, regardless the experience during those incidents. True indeed. I would not have been who i am now, and i'm certainly happy with it. Oh...except for the fact that i'm not a footballer.

Oh ya...bringing to this...FUCCCKKK YOU ROBIN AND SHANGHAO! Who says i can't be a footballer? Fuck you with condemning my dream. Oh FUCKS...other than that...study tmr at hans...3 o clock.

So...i've been thinking of things in the past. Most of them made me happy. In fact, all of them. For example, those stupid crushes, i can't help but laughing at myself now. What a fool. Oh..and lemme see...the JAPANESE EXCHANGE PROGRAMME! OH GOD BLESS ME! I LOVED IT AND I LOVE IT! REALLY HOPING FOR A TIME MACHINE!

Got to sleep now...5 x 200m tmr...take care

Again Patience

2004-06-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

I really wonder what is the definition of patience. Yes..people always say patience is a virtue, and then fullstop. Huh? What am i supposed to get from that? I've seen so many times, people tried to be patient, and got backfired; yet, those who are not, self destruct themselves. A serious case of what the F*ck?! So is patience good or bad?

I sat down at Hans today to study Mathematics. Oh yes! I finished a couple of chapters. Oh no! There's more to come. And i can't seem to finish my History...argh...got to get working now...sorry for the anti-climax...heh..bye

Long time no see

2004-06-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

Just realised i wasn't using Internet Explorer for quite a long time...more than a cuple of days i guess. Have been hooked onto Winning Eleven PC version lately...sorry folks(oops...i dun think i have a lot of readers)ahaa...Oh...these few days was bad...pretty bad.

First up, yesterday. 400m. I could have caught up in the last 200m. I was so close to the lead by 300m. I could have won my heat! But no! I f*cked(sorry for the language, but, it was that bad)...myself up in the last 50m! WHat was i doing? I simply couldn't move. and that freaking 50m totally whacked the 3 secs out of me. I could be leading the pack with 51 secs...instead...i only trailed behind...sigh...at least i'm not the last.

Second. Instead of going to study...i went to play lan. Just got hooked onto red alert two these days. (bad influence?hehe...)

Third. I STILL CAN'T STUDY. FREAKING SHIT! I TOOK A WHOLE OF 3HOURS TO STUDY ONE SECTION OF ONE CHAPTER OF HALF A SUBJECT! SCREWED! HELLO!!THIS IS ONLY MID-YEAR! gosh...i am soo crapped..

Tomorrow have to be a better day. I'm locking myself home...and i'm locking my com

Tomorrow is Saturday

2004-06-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

I was reading some testimonials from people of friendster and came by a word 'chio'. My first reaction was, so native, so savage, so...ermz...not english? Yet come to think of it, this word is used so frequently, especially among teenagers in SINGAPORE. Not all though, if you consider ACSI boys(hah...among all these people i've come along, they use english?oh..and they can't speak chinese for anyone's sake)among them. So perhaps Sinagpore's too much a mixture ehhz?

And then i come across a question...what if one day i really become a pro football player, and reporters say i play like so and so. And of course, they will ask me for my comments...bla bla...for all i know, every player that were asked this question answered that they want to play like themself. Drogba doesn't want anyone to think him as Henry 2. He wants us to think him as Drogba. Fair enough, you should not live in someone else's shoe all the time. So..i've decided to answer in this way...I'm a Singaporean...a little mix of everything(oh...especially C Ronaldo and Henry!).

I think my life is really boring...very boring indeed. In fact, secondary school life is so much more interesting than now! I mean...HELLO!IT'S SCHOOL HOLIDAYS NOW?!WHAT AM I DOING HERE?playing football...sleep...thinking of excuses to pon track trainings...(sadly, i've only escaped one...monday better not come so quickly!)...gosh...i need someone to spice up my life!

So i thought of...what if i have a girlfriend...?My wallet will have a bigger hole?!hah...so...ermz...modern?and then...people will tell me...love is not about money, it's about you. Try telling a beggar that, he'll probably spit at you. But i'm not a beggar. I love my family.

Got In

2004-06-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

I've tried like 10 times to just get into this thing and finally, after my championship manager, done. Hah..perhaps a reward for stop playing championship manager. Getting quite bored of the gamel; it is the only playable game in my machine! I CANNOT BELIEVE I DELETED THE SIMS!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...so sad..

I have always wonder what will life be if i get everything i want. Or more so, how will i react to it. Let's just say one day i turn into a professional soccer player, earning BIG bucks(my ultimate dreammm). I mean...i have yearned for this to happen for years, and if i really turn into one one day, what will be the first thing i do? I think i'll fly. But what if 5 games into the season i got into a 4 mths injury? Gosh...can't imagine. So perhaps, with that 4 months of salary, i can get myself a guitar lesson, and try to be a popstar. Go into concerts bla bla...haha...

And then, i will always think about my dream school. Imagine i am in a place like the x-men academy, where i can do wonderful things with my body(i dun mind being iceman..?), and getting to hang around pple of the same kind. What i learn is to control my powers. Classes will look so much better and lessons will be so much more interesting. WOW. Hah..but then again, can i cope with all those pressures as social rejects?(well...mutants are not supposed to be well-like, according to x-men's creator)

So then...let's move back to reality. I've played football today. I tried two scissors kick, and one went on target!hah...maybe it wasn't that beautiful, but i'm ecstatic that it went with power towards the goal. Sadly, it was deflected wide. How wonderful it would be if that turned out to be a goal. Perhaps one that would go round in my head for the next couple of weeks.

And then i went to shoot pool. Hah..throughout the game, i've been thinking of efren reyes, the number pool player currently. I really wonder how he can create magic with those balls, whereas i, struggle to even keep the white ball in the table...training i guess

And training, gosh. I SKIPPED TRAINING TODAY!track training in fact. Seriously thinking about it, i've been running for no serious goal. The desire to get first in any event isn't there anymore. The only thing that kept me in is to run for my school. Sadly, this patriotism seems to be fading. Argh..can't be this way...Monday i'll turn up...NEED TO HIT 51 by nationals!!!!darn...I LOVE TRACK

My longest blog ever?probably...surprised that i could really pour all my thoughts in. Perhaps because one of my friends told me that my blog is getting shorter. haha...thanks lotz...Got to go now...

OUT(oh...ryan seacrest's line)

Home Sweet Home

2004-06-09T02:20:00.000-07:00

I came back to realise that i have 5 of the same blogs posted. Technology these days are really complex..or i'm sloooww?heh...woah...i seriously have never missed home more. The 3 days leadership training camp made me realise that i love my home so much, and being away for just 108 hours made me felt so lost. hah...but i do enjoy the camp. Even though i would not like to repied the whole event, it will always stay as a good memory. I'm honoured to be part of that.

I know that i need patience. I know that even more now. I always tell my mates, patience is a virtue. Yes it is. But the problem is, i find it difficult to follow it. Yesterday, at the jungle trekking. I told my friend that we would be going for a 20km, not a 2 km hike. Yet, during the course of the hiking, somehow rather, i felt urgent. It's always like this. I am paranoid...haha...Need to imprrooovveeee

Just lost the stamina to type...

Meanwhile...enjoy ur home as much as you can. You won't regret...

Friday

2004-06-04T06:08:00.000-07:00

Oh gosh. Second time i'm writing this, some problem with the internet connection. Anyway, i woke up today to find out how wonderful life has been. So new. Come to think of it, the past two days was only traumatising because i think it was. Then i should think that it is happy everday.

True indeed. Deco chose to play for Portugal instead of Brazil. Portugese treat him as the hero. Giggs could have been the best left winger ever in England. Everyone respects him for playing for Wales. UK Shyam chose to beat C Kunalan record. History. Beckham chose to have sex with the wrong woman. 'Loos'e articles.

I chose to be idiotic last couple of days. I was. I chose to win the 100m in Cj, i did. I chose to be happy today. I am blogging. Enough examples?

Yet i am wanting to forget things i supposedly like, yet it bites in more with every effort i make. Never mind, I believe in faith.

I love today. So fridayyy....

Friday

2004-06-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

Third consecutive day writing a blog, yay...Today seems to be like a new beginning, hah, all the naive thoughts in the past few days have passed. I am new me.

I did learn new things though. Your mind doesn't work on its on. You use your brain. Sounds stupid ehhz? Let's take for example: We seriously decide how we want to react, and who we are, where we're from. Deco was born in Brazil, yet his heart burns with the Red flag. Giggs could have been the best England Left Winger ever existed. He is now the Wales Set-Piece taker. And UK Shyam(not that i like him...but it's fact) wanted to break C Kunalan's record. He became historic. We choose to exist.

Yet ironically, it's really difficult to forget something you like. Anyway that's no thte point. I want to feel happy today. I did. I wanna feel stupid in the past couple of days. I DID. Let's just hope that i become the first Singapore footballer in England sometime soon. I WILL!!!

I love today. It's so...blissful?It's so friday.

Thursday

2004-06-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

I rewrote this blog. Kinda failed to write out a story which i wanted.

Today went by as per normal. School in the morning, movie afterwards. Went to study for 3 hours, only to come out thinking that it was useless. Can't study these days...hah...lousy excuse. I seriously wonder how people study so hard, especially HER..oh gosh...an ocean apart..Shall stop thinking about it. Hah...dumb.

I think i did something seriously wrong when i submitted the blog on BGR. Though honest, i think i really saddened one of my best friend. Perhaps i wasn't honest enough. I am truly truly sorry.

Shall get over it now. Hey..onto football! I seriously believe that we can form a good new team dudes! Here's my preferred formation:
3-5-2
Goalkeeper: LOOKING BADLY FOR ONE!WENDI's always not free
Defenders: Xuanhui John Shanghao
Midfielders: DM: Robin, MC: Yong Kai, AMC: Luqman, MR: me!, ML: Quanbao
Strikers: Yong Teng and Daryl
Just hit my mind during history lecture today. Robin's hardworking, and at the rate he's improving, he should really support the midfield. Luqman's such a skilful player, playing like Lampard.

I know it sounds childish. In fact, it sounds very childish. But seriously looking forward for next field match. Legs getting itchy.

Wednesday

2004-06-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

Great...i have understood that my previous blog was so super stupid. I should delete it though, but nah..good memory for me to laugh on in the future.

Today's football was great, absolutely FANTASTIC. It's the first time there's so many pple playing at purmei, and gosh, the level of technique was the highest. It's quite happy to see that so many of my friends turned up, except for Quan Bao though, who is enjoying in US now. Missed his left leg, but football was really at the highest tempo here.

Hanzhong: Goalkeeping improving each week!Sadly, hit by the darn ball. Lucky not to break his glasses though. Yet again, it's really amazing how he got down to certain shots, when last year, he was still struggling to really kick the ball.
JunWei: Another keeper. Hah.. did one marvelous save with one hand when the ball should have gone in. Needs to improve on reflexes?
Shanghao: YOU CAN DRIBBLE!YOU CAN SCORE! Seriously why you are in the Cj team. I'm really depending a lot on you for my play now. BUt CONTROL YOUR NERVES!
Ian: DAMN, ANOTHER SHANGHAO WHO IMPROVED SHIT LOT SINCE SEC 1! SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE SHOOTING NOW!
Robin: learning to play like Anthony ehhz?yes, you're getting his control very well and sometimes, i find it hard to dribble against you. But remember, anthony's very patient ehhz?
John: As always, so calm and composed. Your tackles against those indians were so aggressive!haha...like it...and you're finally running today...improve your touches though
Xuan Hui: Hates to play against me. haha...but the last game of the day was incredible ehhz?you and i both scored one. One of the best players in our team ehhz?
Luqman: You should really be playing striker!30 million defender ehhz?den should be 80 million striker. My friend was saying that you're the best player today. I agree
Daryl: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE DEFENCE.haha...your shooting was great ehhz?and damn, i love your touches.
Yong Teng: Dude, i still dun understand why adrian ho doesn't want you to play. You can shoot with both legs. Improve your speed though
Yong Kai: Xuan Hui in the making. And another of those better players overall today. You screwed our oppostiong upside down!
Yong Geng: SUPERB FOR A SEC ONE!STANDING OVATION
Tuan Jiao: Be patient, very patient when you're playing football. Learn from ur bro, he's a very good example. 7-11 cup is depending on you. Keeper's position is no doubt yours.
(sorry for missing out anyone...tell me if i did)
Another stupid blog, haha...another for me to laugh on at the future. But really, today was freaking fun. Even though i did not play well today, i'm really happy to see all my friends enjoying football. Hey, except for luqman, people really look down on us for not being able to play football becoz of our skin color ehhz?well, showed it today that we really can. I am really looking forward to the 7-11 cup at the end of the year!

BGR

2004-05-31T08:51:00.000-07:00

I'm still deciding whether i should submit this post...somehow, i knew that it will sound stupid, very very stupid. GOsh

I'm 17!and i have only experienced 1/2 a date. In fact, that date was so unsuccessful that i regret it now. And...i turned out thinking that the 'date' was argh...rubbish. Hah..dun worry...nth against her now. My principle is not to hate anyone. So...she's just another Singaporean teen. That was when i'm 14.

Then on, it seemed like every person i like ended unsuccessful, especially the one from scss...oh...that was terrible. But at least all those were crushes. No luck with girls.

Even today. So from the starting of the year, i have fell for this particular person. And 5 mths, wow, a long time for any crushes to last. Maybe it's not a crush. So i ask myself if i like her for looks or character. She has a lovely smile, and have nice legs. She's sporty, and hardworking. But i do not know her very well. So very likely a crush. Yet again, i've been thinking about her days and nights, and even while watching movies, i would imagine myself as the hero and she has the partner(so maybe i'm the villain?). Wow.

She has admirers, but funny is, she doesn't like guys who likes her. She has good male frens, whom i really envy. Whenever she's right next to me, i feel so hopeless. I mean, it seems like there's really nth i could do but look at her?argh...Worse, i do not know how to respond to anything she says to me. I can with so many other girls...So typical a crush.

The only thing i dare say is that i like her. Yet i cannot go beyond. Sad.

At least i know that it's a crush. Let's just hope that it fades soon, very very soon. My story of BGR....

Holiday

2004-05-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

Came back from track camp and realise something...I fear being lonely. It seems kinda ironic, when a lot of times, i prefer doing things on my own. During the camp, we were supposed to play a game that everybody is seperated into different corners of the school, a modified version of hide and seek, except this time, the catcher is the hero. The school was dark, and it was 1 in the morning. When i sat alone outside the school staff room, i was petrified, so much that i did not dare to move. I knew i was alone. I knew it very well. Lucky enough, i was the first few to get discovered and carried on with the game. I feel so useless.

Finally

2004-05-20T03:28:00.000-07:00

Oh yes..i finally got myself off championship manager and into the blog. Yay! Yesterday was my birthday!hah. Comparing to last year, this year's really a bomb!I won my first track medal for Cj, while last year, i received my english paper's result: it was red(yea...i couldn't even type a blog well!i'm trying...).

Often, i watch television shows and see characters forgetting their birthdates. Naive as i can be, i believed that it was rather cool. And i tried to do that yesterday. Failed miserably....hahahha...can't believe how childish i was. But at least i enjoyed yesterday. So much for acting cool..heh

So...my first cj medal. 4 by 100m relay in Yj invitational. So glad that we won it AND i am not in that school. Let's not be bad...but, their system was really lousy. Yesterday wazs the worst track and field meet i've been at!Even Outram Secondary scored better.

Anyway, we got off to a flying start of 45.3 secs! For first timers, that was brilliant. Aiming to reach below 44!Work hard dudes!

And hey!thank you for that birthday wish!U named yourself www, but seriously, TYPE YOUR NAME!!haha...i need to know who art thou.

Signing off.

Update

2004-05-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

So i'd decided that i will write a new entry.

Today's the 13th May, yea...sounds rather creepy. So much that i'm gonna fail my history AGAIN!sigh..Even so, this week seemed fulfilling. I had finally regained the feeling of 100m! That kind of feeling...even better...this time, i felt so much better. Perhaps it is because it was the first time i lead the race throughout. Or perhaps, I missed 100m so much. Nevertheless, i realised that i can run again. Rejuvenation. I feel fast. I feel that i can win.

Monday i clocked 11.38. It was kinda funny when i heard that i did so well. Honestly, i thought that i was doing 12 secs, especially since i expected the timing of 11.3 would thrash the rest of CJ. How arrogant (maybe that's why i'm a runner...each man for himself...but then again...i haven won any national medals?heh..). At least i'm enlightened: DON'T LOOK DOWN ON PPLE!!

The 4x400m was the best of all. My class broke the record!!haha...wow...and i felt that i could have done much better. Mr johnny lim said i did a timing of 54.7 secs, and wow...i broke my personal best. I did not feel tired after the race, unlike last year when i needed 2 days to recover from 400m. I feel really lucky to be fit! Alright..i must hit 52 by nationals!

haha...sounded so crappy today...oh man...i sounded like a girl..AAAAAAAA...no...!!!oh...i have a wallpaper of kristin kreuk...she's sooo beautiful!!!

Saturday

2004-05-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

Long day

OH NO!!!!

2004-05-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

HAH...it seems like i am so ready to fail history and gp...the two most important subjects in my combination. Scored 4/25 and 15/50 respectively...hahahaha...oh my gosh...what was i doing?!It seems quite strange when i put in most effort for the two subjects. LIFE RAWKS(yea right...)

Oh yea...and thnx for your comment, whoever it is, you're the first...YAY

A couple of weeks ago, my current track coach from cjc shot a lame joke at us. He said that when he was younger, he believed that 'hockey' is 'hot-key'. So he went around looking for hot keys to join his friends. Of course there went the same situation where his fellows enlighten him...bla bla...not funny. A handful of track mates laughed at his lameness, some kept quiet, while i laughed at his joke. Considering the fact that he did try to make us laugh, i realise that we should play along rather than criticise. oh...i love myself...heh..i'm good...But then came this speech. He said, "You're laughing. But always remember, you can laugh all you want at me, but i will never laugh at you." And he gave that smile. Woah...i thought. That perhaps have to be the most inspiring speech i've heard this year. Wow.

A short but meaningful story, hope you've learnt from it. Oh gosh, i really respect that guy. Shall not laugh at anyone else...hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahaha...oopz...

BLOG

2004-04-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

i just remembered it's quite long since i came here. School is getting worse each day, more and more homework. Seriously, i wonder what's the problem with the teachers...i mean...yes...for our own good...but they think that we are only studying their subject?sort it!ok...maybe some prob with my time management...hah...jc life...looking ahead...stay tuned!

I LOVE SATURDAYS!

2004-04-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 11. Went to play street soccer. Watched Dawn Of The Dead.

Damn...football was fun! Even though i was on the losing side most of the time, i really enjoyed football today. We played against this group of smokers, though they're not the best people i've played with, they did gave some fight. Yeah, and we lost. haha...met one of my friend's brother today, yeah, he's good.

Dawn of the Dead was great! Oh man, i seriously can't stop thinking what if one day, something like that happened...mad cow disease anyone? But truthfully, they should have stayed at the shopping centre...i mean, wun the corpses rot?hah...

Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

I LOVE SATURDAYS!

2004-04-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

WEEKEND

2004-04-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'd been looking forward for today since monday, and strangely, it came real quick. Perhaps this week was the busiest week. Or in fact, the most tired one i have ever encountered.

Monday: Football match against Hwachong. Searing heat, parched ground, and almost dehydrated. Lost.
Tuesday: Perhaps the best day of the week.
Wednesday: This day shall remain for quite some time. SCREWED HARD. Early morning 2.4km run. Gave all out. Personal best. Afternoon. Track training. 200x5. Semi-alive. Ptm meeting at night. And by the time i got home. Homework. Oh...homework was the finisher
Thursday: HOMEWORK
FRIDAY: YAY

My friends have been complaining that i am not happening. Teach me how to...?I do not even have time to scout for females...haiizzzzz.....

stupid

2004-04-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

oh...and i felt my tuesday blog was stupid...not recommended?

Lost

2004-04-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

I am seriously feeling lost now. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!SO MUCH(and it's much not many) homework!So little time!Jc life?couldn't be worse. Maybe it's only this week.

The ironic thing is i'm using this blog thing as a break for my homework. Oh ya...and it's 11 now, wonder if i got my priorities right...Just feeling frustrated...How i wish now i can slip into my boots and whack the football into the net!I look at my timetable again...so depressing

i suddenly lost it. Dun feel like writing. See you next time.

21st April 2004

2004-04-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

So tired. But i felt great...yea...that great...

Tuesday

2004-04-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

HAh...I'm gradually addicted to this. Oh, in case you do not know, Cjc just lost to Hwachong 3-1.

A few nights ago, i had this dream. It was rather interesting, or maybe sweet?...it could be ugly for some though.

The moment i entered my sleep, i realised i was in this beautiful, what should i say..., palace?Kind of a forbidden palace. The walls were pink but it was rather empty. I saw two people beside me. I know them. Rom and Wei Yu?Only got to know them this year and they appeared in my dream, wow!

The place worked like a hotel. It had a counter, and surprisingly, with only one staff, ever waiting to serve. We seemed to be the first customers for perhaps a decade? I stepped forward and discovered that he was a she. (Homosexuality these days...)Then she pulled out a book. She cleared away those cobwebs, and forcefully opened it. Inside i saw names. She asked me to choose who we wanted. I randomly chose 3.

All i know was that i was right in front of a room straight after. I opened the door, and shockingly, two fat ladies speared me and walked out of the door! Ouch...and oh...one of them looked like a teacher in my school...?hah...My two friends carried me up, and we entered the room.

Somehow automatically, i turned to my left. I saw a female. Beautiful. Very beautiful. I walked up to her. And i came to realise i was in a prostitution centre. Somehow, i recalled this phrase, sex everyday, doctors away. Sigh. and Wow. And then, she was naked. I was stunned. And then, she cried.

She told me her story. Very sad story. Sold away by her parents when she was six. And then, we were in a train. At that moment, i was so attracted to her. I have never seen her before yet i had that feeling of knowing her for a long time! And then, Wei yu and Rom appeared. Rom confessed his 'love', and then followed by Wei Yu. And i woke up

Oh, i realised that i did not sound sweet. Never mind. But i'm trying to say that i realised my dream is so fragmented. One moment i'm here, the next, i see myself 10km away. Hah..how i wish i can run that fast. Oh yea.. SORRY FOR THOSE GRAMMAR!hah...i couldn't really phrase anything well today...argh...dunno why i'm writing this...take care.

Football

2004-04-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

We just got thrashed 9-1 today. Somehow, i really felt that it's me rather than my team that got thrashed. Perhaps my tactics was wrong. OR perhaps, my whole concept of the game was wrong. How naive was i! When i stepped on the field today, i was really hopeful that our team can come out victorious. Not at all. By the end of first half, our opponents were playing the ball around, and we were like struggling to even control the ball. Sad.

My good friend, Xuanhui, and i were debating whether to use what kind of play during the match. Or worse, were already discussing one week ago. It's amazing how he understands my thinking, and that should tell why he's my closest friend. I came up with some ideas before the match and everyone reluctantly agree to it. They were right. Even though we were 1-0 ahead, it quickly turned into a 2-1 scoreline, and since then, it was a disastrous. Goodbye. I wasn't even able to concentrate and hit back a simple ball. And i could do was to spray lousy passes and see it in the opposition's half, and of course, their possesion. Darn.

My dream had always been to become a professional footballer. The recent 'A' divisions and today's match hit me really hard. Can I do it? I'm already 17, and 17 was the age when Wayne Rooney played for England. Sometimes, when i compare myself against players in the street soccer court, i ain't that bad? But thinking of it again, there's also a lot of good players in Singapore too...I mean, if European scouts ever come to Singapore, will they even look at me? On field, i would lose every ball i receive. I'm not feeling confident anymore!

Maybe it's just a process. Or maybe, it's a message from up there. I'm still clinging onto my hope of earning big bucks with what americans pronounce as soc-cer. Stubborn.

Bad day, tomorrow will be better.

An Old Couple

2004-04-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

When i was walking him this evening, i saw this pair of old couple on a bicycle. The male was the one riding, and strangely, the female was in front of him, hanging in between the seat and the handle. How sweet. Then i thought of this, are they even married? Perhaps they may just be another typical old siblings. This showed how fast people today stereotype so quickly. I would have like to ask the 'couple' though, but was too shy for that...maybe they weren't even real; it was already 10 o clock..ha

Strangely, i am looking forward to the inter jc football competition more than ever today. Woke up early in the morning and practised some ball work with my pals. Felt good even though i was still carrying the heavy left leg. I watched the match between liverpool and arsenal later in the day and i saw Henry scored a hat-trick!WOW! How i wish i can be like him. His goals weren't superb, but his presence was clearly felt by everyone. That somehow made me more confident for monday's kick off. Though not an Arsenal fan, i really feel that Cj may somehow be the underdog; We can win this competition!

Three is no crowd?

2004-04-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

My third time. This must have suggested how my life has been so far. Blog is such you popular thing...and i'm still learning how to use it..argh...i'm seriously having difficulty. And i'm starting to get addicted to it...

Me...Ng Se Wei...age 17 THIS year, and my birthdate is the same as Diego Forlan. How difficult life must have been...and to think how i went pass the last four years...WOW(yes wow..i slack throughout). Found myself in Cjc after the december holidays, and decided to continue education in this school. Wise decision?i dunno, ain't good enuff to go to the other schools...at least i love my class!

This year must be incredible. It is the first time in all my life i'm actually playing for an offcial football team. And i got my first team place! Playing as a striker, but would love to function as a winger...but i'm too tall for my own good...out of 7 friendlies, i scored only 1, and through and indirect free kick...how Forlan...Nevertheless, nationals next week, aiming to be the top scorer?heh...well, since i'm in it...why not try?

I love to say that i'm talented in football, but not gifted. I started this when i was in primary One(7 yrs), and you would surprise that i preferred basketball at that time. But it soon turned out that football became my life, and basketball just simply vanished. Since primary 3, i would 'hardcore' this game after school wherever empty. I often have this thought, as long as the place is 40 by 25, we can kick around.

My style of play, to take pass one or two and give a through ball to my team mate, if not shoot. So street style. Yet often, it does not function well. My dream is to play in Old Trafford, but now, to just play in Europe would be the happiest thing ever. I often believe i'm the best player in the team while i'm playing. Good:Optimistic. Bad:Arrogance. But seriously, i hope to be the best.

The pass 4 years had given me a new passion. Running. Probably, i'm rusty now, but i had never regretted the past 4 years. I ran my heart out. But i lack gift and talent in this case. However hard i work, i can never get my running style right, and instead went from bad to worse. Only thing i can boast is the timing i did so many months ago. I hit 11.34 for 100m. My best. And my regret: to not able to do that in the last nationals in b division. Devastated.

Ok...no dates yet.

Can't think of anything else. Sorry for those grammar.

2004-04-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

testing?